


Abditory

by SeriouslySam



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Character Death, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Marauders, Psychological Torture, Sirius was Secret Keeper, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25574380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeriouslySam/pseuds/SeriouslySam
Summary: Sirius Black, despite his protests, found himself as the Potter's Secret Keeper. It was only a matter of time before Sirius was at Lord Voldemort's mercy.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 40
Kudos: 48





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Huge, special thanks to Arnel for beta-ing for me like usual. Another huge thanks to Breanie for helping me work out a few details of the story and inspiring scenes.
> 
> Please, don't forget to leave a review. It's a small payment for the hours an author spends agonizing over their stories. It takes less than a minute. Thank you for the support.

" **Abditory"**

A bolt of lightning flashed across the starless sky. _One. Two. Three. Four._ A clap of thunder rumbled next. The temperature seemed to plunge rapidly as the bitter wind assaulted Sirius Black's face. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and picked up his pace hoping to make it to the house before it turned into a downpour.

His head was down, his black locks longer than they had ever been. They hung over his face, masking his features. It was what most people did nowadays: keep their head down and try to hide. Blend into their surroundings. Camouflage. Become small. Survive.

Sirius' legs led him through the narrow, cobblestone lane by pure memory at this point. He didn't need to look up to see where he was going. He had walked these streets since he was twelve years old, chasing after James as they explored the village. He could remember where he had smacked his head on the brick wall by the graveyard, splitting open his chin. There was the tree outside of the small ice cream shop that Sirius and James carved their initials into late one summer night after fourth year.

He stilled in front of a wrought-iron gate. Finally, he looked up at the old Tudor cottage. His jaw clenched as he looked to his left, his right, and behind him. Lightning lit up the sky once more and gave Sirius the perfect opportunity to ensure that no eyes were watching him. _One. Two. Three._ A deafening crack vibrated around him as a few stray raindrops fell from the sky.

His fingers curled around the gate and pushed it open. He winced as the creaking echoed in the still night. He didn't bother closing the gate in order not to make any more unnecessary noise. The storm would close it and nobody would think twice. As he stilled outside the front door, he reached into his pocket to withdraw his wand. He pressed the tip of his wand to the door in the middle left where the missing doorknob should be. Two taps, a downward line, three taps. There was a click and the door flung open.

Sirius stepped inside to immediately hear the maniacal laughter of a small child. Kicking the door closed behind him, he waited patiently in the entryway but neither one of his friends seemed to have noticed he entered the house. He held back the groan in his throat as he swirled his wand silently in a circular motion. A massive, silvery German Shepherdescaped the tip. It barreled down the hallway and disappeared through the door leading to the kitchen.

" _Harry_!" Lily's strained voice sounded from somewhere upstairs.

There was a loud thump from above him and then a string of uncontrollable, childish giggles. Sirius glanced up at the ceiling, the corners of his lips curving upwards.

"Sirius."

His head jerked down to see James Potter exiting the kitchen. His hazel eyes did not hold their normal twinkle and dark smudges were visible through the lenses of his glasses. A rather impressive beard graced his hollowed cheeks. It had taken him a good three months to have it look even remotely full and Sirius thought it was in dire need of a trim. He looked thinner than normal to the point where his jumper hung loosely on him, nearly dwarfing him.

Sirius sighed heavily. James stilled in front of him by the staircase. His hands were stuffed in his trouser pockets. He rocked back and forth on his heels, his lips drawn in a thin line.

"James." Sirius ran his fingers through his too long hair and glanced up the staircase nearly wishing for his godson to come sliding down the stairs on his stomach with his hyena-laugh.

"Sounds like it's going to storm." James pushed his glasses up his nose.

"That's the first thing you're going to say to me after nearly three weeks of not seeing each other?" Sirius' jaw clenched.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how was the safe house? You get any good bird watching done?" James forced a tight smile on his lips. "By birds, I don't mean the kind that have wings."

There was another thump from above. A low hiss and then a frantic scrambling. Sirius glanced over to the staircase and spotted tiny legs at the top of the landing.

"SEE-WIUS!" a childish voice shouted.

Sirius stepped closer to the stairs and looked fully up the staircase. His godson quickly fell onto his bottom and started scooching down the stairs, his little arms propelling him as fast as they could manage. There was a wide grin on his face, one that showed his gums and all his pearly whites. His unruly hair stuck up in every direction possible. Sirius' heart clenched at his godson's newest feature: a pair of square spectacles were situated on his nose. Lily had written to tell him of the newest development, but he had yet to see the glasses in person.

"Harry!" Sirius crouched down and held his arms open for the small child.

"I got gasses!" Harry flung himself into his godfather's arms as soon as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Like Daddy!"

Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around the small toddler and felt a lump form in his throat. It felt like just yesterday he was a tiny baby who merely cooed and now he was talking about his first pair of glasses. He didn't see his godson often enough. It felt like he had grown some since the last time Sirius had been to the house. He seemed slightly taller. Didn't he have to stand on his tip toes before to hug him properly?

"Merlin, Harry, how old are you now? One?" Sirius kissed the top of his messy head as the child giggled.

"Fee."

"Three?"

Sirius pulled away and held the child by his shoulders. He forced his eyes as wide as they could go and dropped his mouth open into an O-shape. He tried very hard to keep the corners of his lips from twitching upwards, but he found that he struggled something terrible.

"Fee." Harry grinned up at him and held up three fingers. "I dis many!"

"Merlin's beard and trousers!" Sirius placed a hand over his heart. "A whole three fingers? Simply unbelievable."

Harry giggled and leaned into his godfather's side. His messy head rested against Sirius' shoulder and his fingers ran along the leather of the jacket. Placing a finger underneath the boy's chin, Sirius tilted his head up to get a good look at his godson. He placed a kiss on his forehead, his lips lingering. _Merlin_ , he had missed the little boy.

"How was his appointment? No issues?" Sirius looked up at James.

He had brought an unauthorized Portkey to the Potters nearly a month prior to take them to Hogwarts so Harry could get his annual checkup, his yearly potions, and an eye test. It had been a few months late, opting to bring Harry and the Potters to Hogwarts during the first Quidditch match of the season in mid-October. Nobody would suspect the Potters to come out of hiding during a Quidditch game with so many people out and about.

"Fine." James shifted and propped his shoulder against the banister. "Dumbledore stayed with us the entire time. Wouldn't let us out of his sight. I think he peeved Madam Pomfrey quite a bit."

Sirius chuckled as he glanced back down at his godson. He pushed the glasses gently up the boy's nose and noticed the insane number of fingerprints across the lenses. It would be short of a miracle if Harry actually _saw_ anything with how dirty his glasses were.

"See-wius, play?" Harry blinked his green eyes up at his godfather who was absolute putty in the boy's hands.

Harry gripped his godfather's hand in his and tugged him on his arm to stand up. Sirius obliged and allowed the boy to pull him towards the stairs. He followed dutifully, looking behind him to see James was not following. Sirius sighed, but didn't comment as they turned the corner into Harry's room.

Lily moved around the room as she put Harry's clothes away in the closet. A laundry basket sat on the bed. She greeted Sirius as they entered, shooting him a weary smile. Harry's hand left his as he practically skipped to the toy box at the foot of his bed. He opened it up and leaned in to dig through the toys.

Sirius peered in to see an array of stuffed animals in the box. A variety of dragons, Nifflers, owls, phoenixes, and even a unicorn. Sirius slipped his hands underneath the boy's armpits and hoisted him up. Harry squealed as he was dropped into the toy box. Harry lay sprawled out on top of the stuffed animals. Sirius grinned at him before winking and moving to close toy box.

"Sirius!" Lily looked at him with disapproval.

Harry giggled loudly when the lid to the toy box snapped shut. Through his fits of laughter, Harry called out his godfather's name. Sirius lifted the lid once more and made a big hoopla about being surprised to see Harry lying there.

"Merlin, Harry! Didn't see you there!"

"Seeeeeeee-wuis!" Harry snickered some more and threw a stuffed Niffler at him.

Sirius caught the stuffed animal before tossing it back gently at Harry. The toddler let out another fit of cackles as he sat up in the toy box. Sirius crouched down in front of the toy box and gently pushed him back onto the pile of plush toys. He grabbed the stuffed animals one by one and tossed them on top of Harry to bury him.

"See-wuis! Potty!" Harry suddenly shot up in the toy box with wide eyes.

"What?" Sirius grasped the boy's arm as he helped to steady him.

"He has to go to the loo. Help him out." Lily chuckled.

Sirius hauled Harry out of the toy box. He ran out of the room without another word. A door down the hall slammed shut. Sirius stood up, his lips curved upward as he turned to look at Lily.

"He goes by himself now?" Sirius flopped down on the bed.

"Mostly. He yells if he needs help." Lily folded a pair of little jeans. "We've been accident free for a good two months now. I think he's fully trained."

"No more nappies to bed?"

"No, that was the deal of getting a big boy bed. He couldn't have an accident in bed. He's pretty good about getting out of bed in the middle of the night. He yells for us as he runs down the hallway."

"Merlin, that would get annoying really quick." Sirius laid back on the mattress.

"It doesn't happen every night. Just once in a while. If it makes him more comfortable, what's the harm?" Lily threw a blanket on top of his chest. "Do something useful and help me fold."

Sirius sat up and looked down at the tiny blue blanket. His fingers trailed along his godson's embroidered name along the edge. Remus had bought the blanket for Harry when he was born. To this day, Harry slept with it every night. Sirius jaw tightened as he folded his legs to sit cross-legged and held the blanket up.

"How's James?" Sirius matched up the corners of the blanket and folded it in half.

"Nettled." Lily placed a few pairs of jeans into the dresser before making her way back to the laundry basket.

"Impressive beard he has going on." Sirius folded the blanket again.

"Yes, well, what's the point of shaving or showering or doing anything when you're stuck in the house all day every day?" Lily pursed her lips as she collected the tiny pairs of underwear from the basket.

"I have no doubt that being cooped up in this house all day every day for the past two years bloody well sucks." Sirius placed the folded blanket on the bed in front of him. "What does he want though? He shows his face and Voldemort will kill him instantly. Dumbledore said that his spy has said as much. Voldemort wants James' head on a platter."

"The way James sees it is that you're still out and about. You go to Order meetings and you come here." Lily sighed, her thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Yes, well, have him go to Order meetings, then." Sirius pressed his palms flat on the mattress behind him and leaned back. "If he thinks I'm going on missions or doing anything grand, then he is sorely mistaken. I bounce from safe house to safe house. I only come here between moves. I attend Order meetings. I barely see anyone. I barely talk to anyone. I'm going to an Order meeting tonight, spending the night at Hogwarts, then tomorrow night I'll be going to some new safe house."

"You've been moving safe houses a lot lately." Lily sank down to sit on the bed, the bunched-up underwear in her lap.

"There's a spy in the Order." Sirius frowned. "It's been three years of a spy in the Order and nobody can figure out who it is."

"Do you believe that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really think that Dumbledore has no clue who the spy is?" Lily's green eyes bore into him. "It seems like a very Dumbledore thing to do… keep the spy close and try to filter in false information."

Sirius' jaw tightened. It had started a year ago. Dumbledore started planting false information at Order meetings. He claimed, privately, to Sirius and Alastor that he was trying to sniff out the spy. Now, Sirius found himself doubting that position.

"I'd like to think Dumbledore wouldn't be that moronic to keep a spy around." Sirius frowned.

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."

The pitter patter of small feet sounded in the hall. Sirius turned towards the door expecting to see his godson come barreling into the room any second.

"Flush!" Lily called.

The footfalls stopped. Then, they sounded again. The toilet flushed and the footsteps drew closer once more. Sirius laughed as Harry ran into the bedroom with flushed cheeks. He grinned sheepishly up at his mother.

"Did you wash your hands?" Lily gave him a pointed look.

Harry's eyes grew wide. He scampered out of the bedroom once more. Sirius let out a bark-like laugh as he heard the water running in the bathroom. Soon enough, the little boy was back. He rubbed his heads on his jeans.

"Hey! My bed!" Harry bounded into the room and climbed onto his bed.

"Do you really _need_ this bed? Can't I have it?" Sirius grinned as Harry flung his body at his godfather. "Oomph. Merlin, Harry, you're getting too big to attack me like that."

"My bed." Harry placed his hands on either side of his godfather's face and pushed his hands together.

"Owww!" Sirius howled playfully through smushed lips. "Be nice to your godfather."

Harry leaned forward and planted a kiss onto Sirius' lips before he let go of his godfather's face. The little boy grinned up at him before pushing his disgustingly dirty glasses up his nose.

"Isn't there a spell or something that can make it so his glasses don't smudge?" Sirius plucked the glasses off Harry's face and cleaned the lenses with his t-shirt. "What's the point of having glasses if they're too smudged to see out of?"

"You'd have to ask James that question." Lily neatly laid the underwear into a dresser drawer. "I'm assuming there is not because I always see him cleaning his glasses with his shirt."

"Yeah, well, maybe he can invent some kind of coating potion to make them smudge proof and make millions." Sirius maneuvered the glasses carefully back on his godson's face. "Flea would certainly be proud if he invented something that deals with a plight of a Potter."

"Oh, invent it and then not use it?" Lily smirked. "James refuses to keep any Sleekeazy's in the house."

"Takes away from his whole I just got off my broom look he's going for."

Lily sighed as she leaned against the dresser. Her hands curled around the wood. She shot a glance towards the door before turning back to the bed. Sirius pulled Harry onto his lap and held him close to his chest. He bent down and attacked the child's cheek with an array of kisses.

"Speaking of James," Lily whispered. "Can you talk to him?"

"What's wrong with him now?" Sirius placed one last kiss on the side of Harry's nose as the toddler squealed.

"He's just… down lately. I don't know what to say to him or do to make him not so…"

"Stir crazy?" Sirius supplied with a frown.

"I get it. Believe me, I get it. It's been two years in this house where we only leave a couple times a year. That's only to Hogwarts and nowhere else. I miss going to the grocer's, I miss just going for a walk outside. I understand how _hard_ it is." Lily looked down at Harry and smiled. "Anytime I feel like I'm climbing the walls, all I have to do is look at Harry and then I suddenly feel better. I remember why we're doing it. I think it's harder for James. I don't think he gets comforted as easily as I do."

"James loves Harry more than anything." Sirius ran his fingers through his godson's unruly locks.

"I don't doubt that. I just… I make potions for the Order. I do research for the Order. James refuses to do anything. He wants to be out there in the action, dueling Death Eaters. He feels like that's the only thing he's good at. He doesn't get that he's just as good of a potioneer as I am or that he's capable of doing research. Just… can you tell him he can be involved too?"

"I'll try." Sirius shrugged. "You know how stubborn he is."

"Trust me, I know." Lily pushed off the dresser. "I have some potions for you to take with you to Hogwarts, by the way. They're in the kitchen."

Sirius just nodded in response. He closed his eyes and buried his face into Harry's hair. He felt like every time he stopped by the Hollow, he was constantly trying to uplift James' spirits and talk him down from the edge.

"Want to go talk to your dad?" Sirius bent down to look at his godson.

"Yeah!"

Sirius scooted off the bed, swinging the boy up in the air. He shot his arms up straight above his head. Harry's legs and arms flailed frantically as cackles escaped his lips. Sirius lowered the child until his stomach was slung across his shoulder. Harry's fists clenched his godfather's jacket as they made their way out of the bedroom and downstairs.

Sirius found James in the kitchen packing potion vials and bottles into a clear plastic bin. He shifted Harry and lowered the child to the floor. Harry galloped across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around James' legs. His little face turned up to look at his dad who continued to pile the potions into the bin.

"Harry, come on, bud, I'm trying to get this done," James commented without looking down.

Sirius frowned when Harry let go and bowed his head in disappointment.

"Come here, Harry." Sirius crouched down and held his arms open for his godson.

"Lily wants you to give these to Dumbledore." James nodded towards the bin.

"Yeah." Sirius lifted Harry up into his arms and cuddled him close to his chest. "What is your deal?"

James looked up at him, his glasses sliding down his nose. Wordlessly, he went back to packing the potions into the bin. His jaw tightened as he worked.

"I can't take it anymore," James replied with a strained voice after several long moments. "I can't sit around here any longer. What am I supposed to do? Sit in this house for the next year? Five years? I need to be doing something to stop this madness."

"You _need_ to be protecting your family. He's after Harry."

"I _know_ he's after Harry, Sirius!" James pounded his fist onto the countertop. "I _have_ been protecting my family! I haven't left the house in _years_ all to protect Harry! There comes a point where we can't hide forever! What sort of life is this exactly? We're not living! I barely feel alive!"

Harry's already big, emerald eyes grew wide at the harsh tone of his father's voice. The small boy wrapped his arms around his godfather's neck. Harry pushed his cheek painfully into Sirius' face.

"Then, do something!" Sirius hissed. "Lily's been brewing potions for the Order! Figure out what you can do that's useful and do it!"

"I'm a fighter! I fight! I can't bloody well fight in this house!"

"Listen, James, we've all been practically on lockdown ever since the Fidelius was placed, alright? I get it, I really do. Dumbledore has told Peter, Remus, and I to lie low. He's pulled us all from missions. I get shuffled from safe house to safe house. Remus has, apparently, holed himself up in his dad's old cottage doing research for the Order and attending meetings. Peter, apparently, has been too scared to even leave his flat half the time. We're doing it all for you."

Sirius tried to keep his voice even which proved to be difficult. Harry's soft cheek on his helped to calm him. The boy turned his head, his little nose burying itself into his face. Sirius could remember the last time he and James had fought. They had been sixteen and it was an incident they swore never to talk about again. It was an incident that had changed the dynamics of the four friends and had started to plant the seeds of mistrust amongst them. It had fractured them, nearly broke them. Although, there were times when Sirius thought it did break them. He barely talked to Remus anymore and even Peter seemed to be a mystic figure as of late. It felt like only James was left.

"I appreciate the lengths the three of you have gone to protect us." James raked a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up more than normal. "I understand that the three of you are all in hiding to try to throw Voldemort off the scent of who the true Secret Keeper is. I have been in hiding a lot longer than you have, though. I feel like the walls are closing in on me, I feel like I can't breathe half the time. I'm going crazy sitting in this house day after day. I love Harry and Lily more than anything but the isolation, Sirius, is driving me a little mad."

Sirius just stood there. He didn't know what to say or do to help his friend. Voldemort wanted James and Harry dead. If they were to leave the protection of the Fidelius… Sirius didn't even want to think what would happen. They _had_ to stay hidden. There was no way to survive if they didn't stay put.

"Just go. Get to the Order meeting." James sighed and pushed the bin across the island.

" _James_."

"It's just… it's a bad day." James took his glasses off his face and cleaned the lenses with his jumper. "We all have bad days, Sirius. I'll be fine tomorrow."

"Why don't you come to the Order meeting with me? I'll get you there safely and I'm sure Dumbledore will ensure you get back here in one piece. The meetings are almost exclusively at Hogwarts now." Sirius rubbed his godson's back. "It might do you some good to get out of the house for a bit, yeah?"

"Go to the Order meeting, James. Get out of the house." Lily appeared in the doorjamb of the kitchen. "Go feel like you're doing something useful."

"That's not fair." James winced.

"I'm not picking a fight with you, James, I'm telling you to go with Sirius." Lily sighed heavily.

"I just want our lives back," James whispered as he braced his hands on the countertop. "I want to give Harry a normal childhood. I can count the number of times he's left the house on one hand. He doesn't know anything except seclusion."

"He's young enough still that he won't remember any of this when he's older." Lily stepped towards her husband. "I get it, James, I really do. It's been hard on me too to live like this. Except, we're parents. Harry is our world and we have to protect him no matter what. His life is the most important thing right now."

"We're sure he's still after Harry?" James looked at his best friend, his eyes pleading for an answer that he knew Sirius could not give.

"According to Dumbledore's spy, he's zeroed in on Harry. Neville is barely a thought in his mind. Alice and Frank are still under the Fidelius just in case, but Voldemort believes that Harry is the bigger threat." Sirius' shoulders sagged in defeat as his lips brushed against Harry's forehead.

"Why is he zeroing in on Harry? Why does it have to be Harry?"

There was a desperation in James' voice, a plea for answers that nobody knew except for a psychopath. Lily took a few steps forward, rose to her tip toes, and wrapped her arms around her husband's shoulders. Slowly, James' hands left the countertop and he wrapped his arms around his wife's waist, his eyes closing as he buried his face into her hair.

"Dumbledore thinks he sees himself in Harry." Sirius tightened his grip around his godson.

"He doesn't even know Harry. He's never even seen him," James murmured.

"Apparently, Voldemort is a half-blood which is laughable as he's all about blood purity. He chose the half-blood and not the pureblood to go after." Sirius glanced down at his godson who looked between the adults in confusion.

"Yeah, because all of his Sacred Twenty-Eight followers would abandon him if he went after one of their own," James snapped bitterly. "He has to go after the blood traitor and Muggleborn's son."

Lily pulled away from him, a frown etched onto her face. Sirius raked his free hand through his hair as he sighed. James had been getting progressively worse: depression and bitterness replacing the fun-loving and cheerful man he once was. Sirius didn't know what to say to bring him back from the pit he was steadily falling into. James was not a quiet man who was content to stay at home. He was adventurous, rambunctious, energetic. He craved to be moving and involved. He was not one to allow others to fight his battles for him.

"You better get to the meeting, Sirius." James forced a smile. "I'm going to stay here. Thanks for the offer. Mirror call me tonight, yeah? Let me know how the meeting goes?"

Sirius nodded numbly. He placed a hand behind Harry's head and kissed his cheek before hugging him close to his chest. He took a deep whiff of Harry's strawberry shampoo and closed his eyes, savoring the moment with his godson.

"I'll be back for Halloween in a couple of days." Sirius crouched down to set Harry on the ground. "What are you going to be for Halloween?"

"A dwagon!" Harry roared.

"A dragon? Merlin, that's scary. I still need to find a costume." Sirius brushed the boy's hair off his forehead. "I love you. I'll see you in a few days."

With one last kiss, Sirius stood up before making his way over to his friends. Lily and Sirius kissed each other's cheeks before embracing. She whispered for him to be careful and he just nodded in response. Once they pulled away, Sirius turned towards James. They stared at one another for a few moments before James pulled Sirius into a bone-crushing embrace. He clapped Sirius roughly on the back twice before pulling away.

Sirius grabbed the bin of potions before making his way out of the house. Rain was pouring down as he moved quickly through the streets of Godric's Hollow. He darted into an alleyway before Disapparating to Hogsmeade.

* * *

After dropping off the potions in McGonagall's office, Sirius made his way towards the meeting room just down the corridor from Dumbledore's office. He was nearly there when he stilled. There was the erratic pitter patter of little feet. Narrowing his eyes, his head jerked around the corridor attempting to find the source of the noise.

A flash of red appeared in front of him. A very tiny little girl appeared at the end of the corridor. She darted down the hallway towards him, her two plaits blowing behind her like a cap. She had extraordinarily long hair for such a small child. Her cheeks were flushed the color of her hair as a slightly too big jumper flowed down to her knees.

Sirius cast his eyes around to spot a parent but failed to see any other adult. He crouched down and smiled warmly at the tiny child. She apparently did not experience any stranger danger as she skidded to a stop in front of Sirius and gave him a very wide grin.

"Hello, my name is Sirius. What's your name?"

"Ginny!"

Sirius reached out and flicked the plait behind her shoulder. She was smaller than Harry was. Shorter with more of a baby face than a toddler face. He guessed she was perhaps a year younger than his godson which would put her just over two years of age. He wondered if someone new had joined the Order and last track of their daughter.

"I have a godson your age." Sirius rested his elbows on his knees. "He's three. How old are you?"

The little girl babbled something that Sirius couldn't quite understand. It was definitely multiple syllables long and sounded like several words strung together. He narrowed his eyes, his head leaning forward as he turned his head slightly. Her speech was a garbled mess when she tried to speak more than one word at a time. She was _definitely_ younger than Harry. He could remember the babbling quite well.

"Oh, very interesting." Sirius nodded his head.

"GINNY!" a frantic voice called.

"Ah, I suspect that's your mum, eh?" Sirius smiled kindly at the small girl who merely rolled her eyes as though upset her mother found her.

A short, plump woman rounded the corner with another small child in her arms. Her red hair fell out of her bun on the back of her head, she was so pale that the freckles on her face looked like misplaced dots. She stopped when she spotted Sirius and sat the boy in her arms down on the ground. Her hand reached for her wand and Sirius stood up to take a step back away from the child. He raised his hands up in the air.

"My name is Sirius Black. I was just trying to help her find her parents."

As soon as the word _Black_ slipped from his tongue, the woman narrowed her eyes and pulled her wand from her robes. She pushed the toddler behind her and called for Ginny to join her. The small girl, however, stubbornly stayed where she was. She did not seem bothered at all at the turn of events.

"Normally, when one introduces oneself, the other person introduces themselves as well." Sirius frowned.

"Molly Weasley."

Blood-traitors. Brilliant. Dumbledore must have invited them to join the Order. He relaxed slightly but didn't lower his hands.

"I'm a member of the Order of the Phoenix as well. Is this your first meeting? Typically, people don't bring their children to the meetings unless they're babies who sleep the entire time. They can be a bit distracting and the meetings can drag on."

"Yes, well, it's very hard to find someone to watch seven children. We tend to bring the younger ones with us. Arthur insisted I come with him."

Molly Weasley clenched the wand in her hand and lowered it just slightly until it was trained on Sirius' abdomen. That wasn't exactly a comforting position either.

"Do you know where the meeting is being held?" Sirius shifted his weight and lowered his hands a fraction.

"I know where it is being held." Molly frowned.

"Sirius!" a familiar voice wheezed.

Sirius turned around to see Peter rushing towards him. He was red in the face, sweat pouring down his brow. He looked like he was wasting away to nothing. He was so thin that his cheekbones protruded prominently and his eyes looked sunken. Sirius sniffed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

"Nice meeting you. I'll see you in the meeting, yeah?" Sirius nodded towards the Weasleys as he tried to keep the annoyance off his face.

He started to walk towards Peter. He couldn't even remember the last time he saw Peter, to be completely honest. A few months perhaps. Peter had been absent from the past couple of Order meetings.

"Pete." Sirius' gaze wondered up and down his friend. "You doing alright?"

"Yeah, just… you know." Peter shrugged.

"You look like hell."

"You know… just… stressed." Peter ran his sleeve across his forehead. "How are Lily and James?"

"They're fine. Harry got glasses. Did Lily send you a picture?"

"She wrote to me about it but no picture." Peter licked his lips and took a step closer. "I heard that Remus has been hanging around Fenrir Greyback lately. That he's a part of his, you know, his _pack_."

"Yeah, well, hopefully he knows what he's doing."

Sirius gazed up at the ceiling. He didn't feel like talking about Remus. Remus had attended every single Order meeting dutifully. Sirius always saw him but he couldn't say the last time he and Remus held an actual conversation or said even a single word to one other.

"I don't know why he'd willingly be friends with the guy who turned him." Peter looked around the corridor.

"What do you want me to say, Pete?"

"You still haven't talked to him?"

"He's too damn secretive." Sirius' jaw tightened. "If he's going to go join a werewolf pack, then I have nothing to say to him."

"You still in Manchester?"

"No."

"Where are you off to next?"

"You know I can't say anything in case someone is listening." Sirius sighed. "There's a spy in the Order, did you know that, Pete?"

"Well, yeah, Sirius, why do you think I hate coming to these meetings?" Peter blew out a breath of air and rubbed the sweat off his forehead again. "You-Know-Who wants James, and I… and he knows we were all close in school, yeah? I mean, I reckon, it's only a matter of time before all of us are captured by him. I bet that you're right and Remus is the spy. I mean, consorting with werewolves when he spent all that time when we were kids saying how much he hated werewolves and being a werewolf and how most of his kind were disgusting excuses for humans. Now, he's in, like, the worst of the packs, yeah? I mean, Greyback he's… Merlin, Sirius."

At the end of the corridor, Sirius watched as Remus walked past and disappeared around the corner. He was always one of the last ones to arrive at the meetings, sometimes even sneaking in after it had already started. Glancing down at his wristwatch that Fleamont and Euphemia Potter gave him for his seventeenth birthday, he realized they had only a few minutes before the meetings was to start. He gestured for Pete to follow him.

Upon entering the room, Peter and Sirius split up. Peter darted off to sit with Emmeline Vance. Sirius made his way in the opposite direction, towards the back of the room where Mad-Eye was situated in a dark corner. He sank down next to the Auror who merely grunted in greeting.

When James and Lily stopped attending Order meetings when they underwent the Fidelius, Sirius took to sitting with Mad-Eye for some odd reason. The two of them often spent most of the meeting watching the other members, taking notes on any odd behaviors, trying to figure out who the spy was. They could rule out very few people as the spy but that wasn't exactly a comforting feeling. The longer the spy was in their midst, the more frustrated Sirius became.

"We have two new recruits tonight. Please, welcome Arthur and Molly Weasley to our fold." Dumbledore spoke as soon as McGonagall stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

Sirius' eyes roamed the room looking for someone who seemed more interested than normal at the announcement of names. People glanced around at the two newcomers who sat towards the front of the room with their children sitting on the floor by their feet. They gave polite smiles and small waves. McGonagall slid into the seat next to Sirius.

"Mary Macdonald isn't here tonight," Mad-Eye spoke gruffly as he looked down at a list of names. "She's the only one except for the Longbottoms and Potters."

Sirius leaned over and glanced down at the list of names. The suspects list was long while the cleared list only contained a few names. Under cleared were James and Lily Potter, Frank and Alice Longbottom, and Minerva McGonagall.

"Who is your guess?" Sirius inquired as Dumbledore continued on with the meeting. "You must have a short list of who you think the spy is."

"For all you know, you're on my short list, Black." Moody's magical eye glanced over him. "Maybe you're trying to be friendly with me so I don't suspect you."

Sirius snorted, a small smirk gracing his features. He turned his head to glance at the Auror who was not laughing or looking amused.

"If I was the spy, the Potters would be dead by now and you know it." Sirius frowned.

"Unless, you're playing the long game." Moody huffed. "You are a Black after all."

"Maybe I'm being friendly with you because I think you're the spy," Sirius said with slight amusement in his voice. "Those Death Eaters finally cracked you. Too many years hunting down Dark wizards."

"We have successfully infiltrated a werewolf camp in Cardiff," Dumbledore said calmly. "Their leader, a man by the name of Monte, has pledged their allegiance to our side."

Sirius caught the small lie that slipped so easily off the headmaster's tongue. His eyes flickered over to Remus who did not seemed phased by the information. He sat perfectly still, his hands folded in his lap, as he stared straight ahead of him.

Peter glanced around the room two rows behind Remus, his mouth twitching, a bead of sweat running down the side of his face. Sirius straightened up slightly, brow furrowing. Peter chewed on his bottom lip. His whole body seemed to rock in his chair as he leaned down to whisper something to Emmeline Vance.

A tightening occurred deep within his chest as he watched Peter's odd behavior. He may have been reading something into nothing. Peter was a naturally nervous person and Sirius was seeing spies everywhere as of late. Except… there was a gnawing happening deep within him. He had suggested Peter be the Secret Keeper, insisted relentlessly about it for nearly a week two years prior. James and Lily had been adamant, however, that only the godfather of their son would protect them at all costs.

Sirius leaned back in his chair, propping his left elbow up on the arm. His hand covered his mouth as he looked around the room. It had been a long time since he had trusted any of the people in the room. He knew better than to trust anyone anymore. All of his friends had been slowly dying over the years. Marlene. Dorcas. Fabian. Gideon. Benjy. A gnawing feeling told him it was only the beginning.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge, special thanks to Arnel for beta-ing for me like usual. Another huge thanks to Breanie for helping me work out a few details of the story and inspiring scenes.
> 
> Please, don't forget to leave a review. It's a small payment for the hours an author spends agonizing over their stories. It takes less than a minute. Thank you for the support.

" **Abditory**

Wormtail scurried across the corridors, sticking close to the walls to stay undetected. The Dark Lord had been so close to snatching Sirius in Manchester. There had been a row of Death Eaters that had lingered outside of a flat that had once belonged to Mary Macdonald's late brother. Sirius had been there for three whole weeks before he left one afternoon and never returned. Now, he was supposedly staying at Hogwarts until the next safe house was ready.

There was a spy within the Dark Lord's ranks just like Wormtail was a spy within Dumbledore's. Both men were infuriated with each other's spies but neither could crack the code. Wormtail's whiskers twitched as he heard the voices he sought.

Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore strolled through the corridor together after the meeting talking in low tones. Wormtail pushed his paws against the stone floor and propelled himself faster and faster until he was nearly nipping at the headmaster's heels.

"You said you want to go to the Potter's for Halloween." Dumbledore clasped his hands behind his back.

"I haven't missed a holiday yet and I'm not about ready to start." Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

"I've been thinking for quite some time that you should perhaps go under the Fidelius Charm yourself, Sirius. You have had quite a few close calls. There were at least five Death Eaters waiting outside of the Manchester flat for you."

"I'm not going to go under the Fidelius. I'm not going to stop seeing my godson. I think my visits are the only thing keeping James sane right now."

Dumbledore stilled in his stride. Wormtail dashed behind a suit of armor. He sat down on his bum and sniffed the air. He peered around the armor just in time to see Sirius leaning his back against the opposite wall, hands in his pockets, head bowed.

"If you insist on going to the Potters on Monday, then I implore you to spend an extra night at the castle. Two nights here, go to the Potters, and then we will get you to Swanage on Monday night. The McKinnons have a holiday home there that Marlene's great aunt gifted to the Order."

Wormtail's watery eyes zeroed in on Sirius' face. Marlene and Sirius – the on again off again, friends with benefits dynamic duo. Sirius had been particularly devastated when Marlene was murdered over two years ago, mere months before the Fidelius on the Potters had been cast. Wormtail always suspected that Sirius had liked Marlene more than just a fuck buddy but was too big of a coward to actually commit to a single person. He searched his old friend's face but saw Sirius' expression remained hard and unwavering.

"Fine." Sirius rolled his head back and connected it with the stone wall.

"If this is becoming too much, Sirius, we can move the Potters to a different location and I will gladly take on the Secret Keeper duties." Dumbledore peered over his moon-shaped glasses. "No one would fault you. Least of all James who is struggling in his own right with complete isolation."

"You need to give him a job to do." Sirius sighed. "Make him feel useful."

"I will think about giving him something beneficial to do for the Order to bide his time. I don't know if you ever knew this, but James' grandfather, Henry Potter, and I were dorm mates at Hogwarts. The Potter men were always known as defenders of what they deemed to be right. I have watched Henry, Fleamont, and James all fight for what they regarded worthy of fighting for. All three men were very similar in their beliefs but they went about their fight in entirely different ways."

"I only met Henry a few times." Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. "I remember going to his funeral back in fifth year. James and Flea were devastated."

"Henry took a political approach to conflict. He found that enacting laws and using his words were a sufficient medium for change. Euphemia began working under him after she left Hogwarts. She too thought change was best done through the proper channels. Henry was so enamored by her spirit that he introduced her to Fleamont. Fleamont, I'm sure you know, thought change was best done by helping where help was needed. Going through proper channels frustrated Fleamont a great deal. He, like his daughter-in-law, brewed potions and smuggled supplies to the resistance during Grindelwald's reign. He was arrested quite a few times and Euphemia was forced to defend him in court to get the charges dropped. I've noticed James likes to be in the thick of things. He feels change is enacted on the battle field. James has always liked to be in the middle of a conflict, to face it straight on. I understand James' plight. I understand his desire to feel useful, to be in the throng of the fight. It is very dire, however, that he stays sidelined in order to protect Harry. I know James has told you of the prophecy. I hope you understand just how dire it is to keep Harry safe and hidden."

Wormtail scurried across the corridor, his beady eyes glued on the two figures. Yes, the prophecy. His master knew of the prophecy, had made it quite clear that Harry Potter was the one referred to in the prophecy. He would not accept anyone else, would not shift his attention from the intended target. The Dark Lord wanted Harry Potter. He wanted James Potter. Curiously enough, he seemed indifferent to Lily Potter as he claimed he did not care if she lived or died.

"I understand just how much danger Harry is in." Sirius sighed as he kicked off the wall. "I would die for him. He's my godson, my family. Flea and Effie took me in when I was just some lost kid, they gave me a home, a family… they always told me I was more of a Potter than I was ever a Black. I would fight for the Potters until my very last breath."

"I have no doubt that you would, my dear boy." Dumbledore sounded sad, nearly defeated. "I beg of you to be careful, Sirius. You have been known to leap without first looking. It is imperative that we look before we leap during these times."

"I'll try." Sirius rubbed his chin with his left hand.

The two bid each other goodnight. Dumbledore veered off towards his private quarters while Sirius trailed along the corridor with his hands shoved deep in his jacket pocket. The Dark Lord would be so delighted if Wormtail brought him Sirius Black tonight. Except, Peter didn't dare even attempt it. He couldn't risk tripping up and not obtaining Sirius. He couldn't risk exposing his role as the double agent.

Wormtail picked up his pace to keep up with Sirius' long strides. He had valuable information – a safe house in Swanage. Peter had been to the summer house after seventh year. Marlene invited the Marauders, Lily, Dorcas, and Mary there before they all splintered into their different fields. Lily had an apprenticeship with a renowned potioneer, Marlene joined the Aurors, Dorcas snagged a spot in the Department of Mysteries, and Mary had joined the _Daily Prophet_. Remus bounced around from odd job to odd job. James and Sirius refused to work and lived off their trust funds and inheritances. Peter joined the Department of Transportation.

Wormtail skidded to a stop. Sirius was outside of Portrait of the Melting Men. He tapped his wand and a portrait swung open to allow him entrance. Wormtail leapt, his little legs kicking in midair, and collided with the closed portrait. Wormtail squeaked loudly, his body falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. The corridor spun as the rat shook his head to clear the spots in front of his vision.

Swaying slightly from side to side, Wormtail got his bearings. He needed to get back to the Dark Lord, he needed to share the plans of Sirius arriving in Swanage on Monday evening. His Lord would be exceedingly happy with the information he obtained.

* * *

Late Monday afternoon, on Halloween, Sirius Black found himself Apparating to an alleyway in Godric's Hollow. He grabbed a cap from the back pocket of his black jeans and situated it onto his head. He tucked his chin to his chest and made his way out into the open.

He walked briskly down the narrow lanes and listened to the chatter from the residents of the small village. When he approached the familiar gate of the Hollow, he glanced around him to ensure nobody was watching. Pushing the gate open, he slipped inside quickly and disappeared within the wards of the house.

Two taps, a downward line, three taps. The door sprung open and Sirius made his way inside. He kicked the door shut behind him as he took the cap off his head. He tossed it onto the finial of the newel post. He ran his fingers through his hair as he listened for the occupants of the house. Childish laughter rang from the direction of the kitchen, so he made his way to the back of the house.

Harry sat on top of the kitchen table, his legs kicking wildly but his upper body was amazingly still for a three-year-old. His glasses sat in his lap, his fingers running along the thick plastic frames and, more than likely, smearing the lenses. Upon seeing his godfather enter the room, he squinted at him and then a wide grin spread across his thin face. Half of his face was painted a bright green to match his dragon costume.

"See-wius!" Harry reached out a hand in his godfather's direction as though beckoning him towards the table. "Imma dwagon!"

Lily ran the brush down his nose and elicited giggles from the small boy. Sirius crossed the room. He pulled a chair away from the table, the legs screeching across the tile before he flopped down.

"You look like a very scary dragon." Sirius leaned back in the chair, his hands folding in his lap.

"Imma nice dwagon!" Harry's mouth dropped open and Lily got a spot of green paint on his lip.

"Oh, sorry. You look like a very nice dragon who shares his toys and chocolate biscuits." Sirius reached out and patted the boy on his knee. "Do you know what I am for Halloween?"

Harry shook his head in the negative. Lily sucked in a breath as she pulled back the paintbrush. Sirius stood up and dug into the inner pocket of his leather jacket for his wand. He pointed the tip at his head, his mouth shifting to the right as he concentrated. His lips twitched, no words escaping, as a few locks of his hair rose into the air before transfiguring into pointy dog ears.

"I'm a dog! I'm Padfoot!"

Harry cocked his head to the side, the corners of his mouth twitching down. He slid his glasses onto his face and the frown only deepened as he gave his godfather a good once over. Lily plucked the glasses from his face, cleaned the paint off with a napkin, and sat them on the table next to him.

"Should we give Sirius a nice black nose?" Lily poked Harry in the ribs.

"YES!" Harry bounced in his spot.

Lily instructed the child to look up at her so she could finish painting his face. Sirius craned around when he heard the floors creak in the hallway. Sure enough, James entered the kitchen with frown on his face and eyes dark behind his glasses. Sirius sighed, his attention drawing back to his overexcited godson.

"All done." Lily pulled out her wand and twirled it at Harry's face to dry the paint.

Harry placed his glasses on his nose while Lily snapped the cap shut to the face paint. She dropped it into a small bin sitting next to Harry on the table. She rummaged through it before to took out a small bottle of black paint. She instructed Sirius to bend down before she squeezed a small dollop on a clean brush and covered Sirius' nose in the glop.

"See-wuis!" Harry clapped when Lily pulled away from painting his nose.

"Do I look more handsome than ever, Harry?" Sirius gestured his hand up and down his body.

"My doggy." Harry reached out to pet Sirius on his arm.

James sat down at the table his hand rubbing his bearded chin. Sirius glanced over at him out of the corner of his eyes and bit back his annoyance. Instead, he focused all of his attention on his godson.

"My dragon." Sirius grinned as he scratched his nails under Harry's chin.

Harry scrambled until he stood on the kitchen table. Lily and James both told him to sit down when he launched himself off the table towards his godfather. Sirius managed to catch him around the middle. He held the boy close to his chest and leaned in to plant a kiss on his cheek, smearing a little black from his nose onto the boy's green skin.

The group made their way to the parlor after a few stern words from Lily about the dangers of not only standing on a table but jumping off said table. Harry mumbled an apology but shot Sirius a smirk when his parents weren't look. Sirius tried to hide his own smile and instead put on the sternest face he could muster. While Sirius always planned on being there to catch Harry when he leapt, there were never any guarantees in life.

Lily put a record on the player of some Muggle Halloween music that Sirius had never heard before in his life. There was an array of various sweets on the coffee table and two carved pumpkins on the mantle that had been done earlier in the day. Sirius eyed the sweets before grabbing a box of Bettie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Harry bounced up and down, a Sugar Quill clenched in one hand as he flapped his arms. The fabric attached from his sides to his arms akin to wings flapped as he ran around the parlor.

"You want to at least pretend like you're enjoying this little four-person party?" Sirius picked through a box of jelly beans.

"I am enjoying it." James glowered at his friend. "Harry's having a blast."

Harry clambered up onto the sofa and grinned at his mother. Lily pointed a finger at him and told him to sit on his bum. Harry merely licked his Sugar Quill and started jumping on the sofa. Lily started to make her way across the room which caused Harry to burst into a fit of giggles. Sirius shoved the box of jelly beans into James' hands and made a beeline for the sofa.

"ROAR!" Sirius reached the sofa first, his hands sliding underneath the boy's armpits and swinging him through the air.

He set Harry on his feet, then rested his palms on his knees as he bent down so he was eye level with the little boy and roared again loudly.

"AHHH!" Harry screamed right in Sirius' face.

"AHHH!" Sirius shouted back, stretching his arms out to his sides to pretend he too had dragon wings.

Harry squealed, half in shock and half in glee. The boy started to run away, his little arms flapping. Sirius took off after him at a much slower pace to chase him around the parlor. They were both shrieking loudly and probably sounded like a herd of Hippogriffs. Sirius glanced over at his friends who winced at the noise level.

Sirius grabbed the toddler and lifted him up into his arms. Harry settled on his hip, red faced and out of breath. He leaned in to whisper in his godson's ear asking if he wanted to prank his dad. Harry nodded enthusiastically as he looped his arms around Sirius' neck and pressed their cheeks together.

Pulling his wand out from his jeans pocket, Sirius dramatically tapped the tip to his lips. Harry's hysterical cackles filled the room. He pointed the wand at his best mate who groaned.

"Don't, Sirius." James took a warning step forward, his index pointed at his friend's chest.

Sirius concentrated, his lips moving silently. A jet of light hurled towards James' head. He paused, his chin jutting upward. Antlers sprung out of the sides of James' head, causing him to stumble slightly at the shift in weight. Sirius roared with laughter as Harry flung his head back and howled.

James pulled his wand out and sent sparks at Sirius' feet. He jumped back, both arms clenching around his godson tightly so he wouldn't drop him. Harry squealed, his whole body bouncing in his godfather's arms.

"Oi! I have your son!" Sirius leapt to the right to avoid another set of sparks.

"Sirius, put him down!" Lily grabbed James' wrist to stop him from sending more sparks.

"No! Tell your husband to stop trying to light my feet on fire!" Sirius took another step back.

"That's not what I'm trying to do." James smirked.

It was the first genuine smile that Sirius had seen on his friend's face in a while. He gave Harry one last squeeze before he tossed the boy onto the sofa. Harry squawked loudly when he made contact with the cushions, his eyes wide as saucers and his mouth twisted up. Sirius bolted for the kitchen with James hot on his heels. He nearly took the back door off the hinges as he rammed through it. He jumped off the back deck, transforming into Padfoot midair.

Suddenly, something red slammed into Padfoot's side. He let out a surprised whine and wheeled around to see Prongs. The last time he knew that James was Prongs was last Christmas when he pranced around the back garden with Lily and Harry on his back. Sirius kept joking with Harry that Prongs was one of Father Christmas' reindeer much to James' chagrin.

Harry ran around the back garden after Padfoot. The dog nipped at the boy's heels as he roared as loudly as he could. James transformed back to himself which Sirius thought was probably a smart move. Pointy antlers and a running toddler surely wouldn't be a good combination. James minded the border of the wards for a while, taking great care to ensure that Harry didn't wander outside of the protection.

James plucked Harry off his feet and carefully sat him on top of Padfoot. Sirius felt Harry's fingers tangling in his fur. He trotted around the garden and relished in the squeals of glee emitting from his godson. Padfoot picked up the speed. Little arms wrapped tightly around his neck and a face buried into the back of his neck. James' laughter rang as Padfoot ran and jumped much to his godson's delight.

After their fingers were numb from the brisk October air, Sirius agreed to give Harry a bath while James and Lily cooked dinner. The bathtub overflowed with so many bubbles that a toy ship was lost somewhere that nobody could see. Sirius piled a gob of bubbles on the boy's head while Harry gave himself a bubble beard.

"Me like Daddy!" Harry grinned as he pointed to the foamy beard on his still green face.

Sirius laughed before he scrubbed the kid's face clean of paint. In return, Harry scrubbed the black off his godfather's nose and the bit that has smeared on his cheeks. He allowed Harry to play in the tub for a bit longer before he wrapped his hooded dragon towel around him. He carried his godson to his bedroom, running at full speed which caused a string of giggles to echo in the hallway. Once fully dried and dressed in pajamas, Sirius and Harry made their way to the kitchen for dinner.

James seemed more animated during dinner like he had been snapped out of his melancholy mood. He broke up Harry's fish with a fork as the little boy munched on his chips. Sirius chewed his food, wondering when the next time he would see the Potters. He didn't know how long he would be able to stay at the new safe house.

After dinner, Sirius tucked Harry into his bed. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to say goodbye. The weeks alone in the safe house were torture. He looked forward each time it came to move, each time Voldemort and his merry little band of Death Eaters caught whiff of him. He bent down and kissed Harry's messy mop of hair as his chest tightened uncomfortably. Harry smiled sleepily up at him before he closed his eyes and snuggled his stuffed dog to his chest. He bid his goodbyes to his best mates before he left the bedroom, glancing over his shoulder to see them kissing Harry goodnight.

* * *

James lay in bed with his hands propped behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. He had been an arse lately, that much he was fairly certain of. Two years of near isolation could affect a person. It seemed to affect him a lot more than it did Lily. James had always been a social butterfly. He had his tight-knit group of friends, his Quidditch pals, Lily's friends, and the people he randomly small talked with. Lily was far more selective of who she spent time with. She liked moments alone to think and reflect. James hated being alone with his thoughts.

The bed dipped and James turned his head to the left. Lily scooted close to him, coconut assaulting his senses. Her nose pressed against his bare arm, her fingers splayed across his stomach. He felt her lips press against his skin.

"It was nice hearing you laugh today." Her nose dragged across his arm as she propped herself up on her elbow.

"I know I haven't been the most fun person as of late." James licked his lips, his hazel eyes locking with her green. "I feel… useless. I want this over with. I want to give Harry a normal childhood."

"Why don't you brew potions with me tomorrow?" Lily ran his fingers up his chest, drawing circles on his sternum. "It can be like old times. We can battle for the best potion. We can have Sirius drop them off for Sluggy to judge."

James snorted, the corners of his lips curving upwards. He reached out to flick her plait behind her shoulder. He blinked up at her. He couldn't remember what his life was like before she had finally agreed to go out with him. He couldn't even remember how he had pined over her, begged her to give him a chance. It seemed like so long ago when she would shout in his face, call him names, and roll her eyes at him.

James reached out and traced his fingers along her jaw. He wanted to give her the moon and the stars. He wanted to give her the life she deserved. He did not want to brew potions in seclusion. He did not want to do research. He wanted to fight, to defeat Voldemort. He wanted their lives to go back to normal. Perhaps, he could try harder for her. He would brew the stupid potions with her if it made her happy. He just wanted to make her insanely happy.

"I've been brewing potions since before I could walk." James ran his fingers along her collarbone. "My dad made sure I was good at potions. How embarrassing would it be if the inventor of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion's son was abysmal at potions? Oh no, Lily, I was well versed in the art of potion making long before I ever stepped foot into Hogwarts."

"I hope you're not going to put that pressure on Harry to be good at potions." Lily grinned down at him, her finger flicking his nose.

"Lily, please, there are more important things that Harry needs to be good at before potions. He'll be a phenomenal flyer and Quidditch player by the time he goes to Hogwarts. McGonagall will be _begging_ Dumbledore to bend the no-first-years rule. He'll also be an Animagus before he hits eleven. Illegally, by the way. Half the fun of being an Animagus is doing it illegally."

"I will hex your balls off, Potter." Lily swatted him on the arm.

James grinned as he pushed her off him and onto her back. He rolled over to straddle her. He pinned her down on the bed as he dipped his head down to capture her lips against his. She half-moaned, half-giggled against him.

"You love it," James murmured against her lips.

"You're a moron." Lily pressed her palms flat against his chest and pushed him back. "An absolute moron. I hope you're joking."

"I'm about sixty percent joking, forty percent serious." James grinned.

"James Fleamont Potter!" Lily's hands cupped his cheeks.

"Do we really need to be dragging my middle name into this?"

Lily pulled his face down to continue kissing him. James reached up to pull his glasses off his face. He tossed them beside Lily onto the bed and deepened his kiss. Her hands left his face and wandered down to the hem of his shirt. She tugged it up slowly as her fingers sent shivers of pleasure through his body.

There was a crash from downstairs which made them still. James felt his heart begin to race as he rolled off Lily and grabbed his wand. Lily was beside him in a second and handed him his glasses.

He strolled out of the bedroom first, Lily not far behind him. James cast a glance at Harry's bedroom. No alarms were sounding from within which was a good thing. He took the steps two at a time, his eyes frantically darting around the entryway.

Entering the parlor, James noted an ugly vase shattered on the floor. Archibald the cat sat where the vase had been and licked his paw lazily. Sighing in relief, James willed his heart rate to slow. Lily crouched down and piled the broken pieces into the bottom of the vase.

"I swear, every Christmas, Petunia sends us the most godawful vases. Within the year, they all break." Lily reached under the end table to grab another broken bit. "She must go out of her way to send the most hideous thing she can find."

"I honestly don't know why you still bother with her. The last time we saw her was when she married Vermin." James ran a hand through his hair. "Luckily, they didn't return the favor and come to our wedding."

"Don't call him that." Lily stood up with the broken vase in her hands.

"He called me an amateur magician who lived in a fan."

"A _van_." Lily corrected. "Since when do you care what people think about you? I've heard people insult you plenty and it normally just runs right off you."

James' jaw tightened as he shoved his hands into his plaid pajama bottoms.

"I _don't_ care what Vermin and Petty think of me. I get nettled because I know _you_ care what they think about _us_." James shifted his weight. "All I'm saying is, is it worth it? You two don't talk at all. You send each other some lame Christmas card every year. She sends you the most revolting vase she can find. You spend hours agonizing over sending her something nice. Maybe, this year, we don't send the Jerkleys a gift, don't send them a family picture and write five sheets of parchment updating them on our life for the past year, and we can blast the vase in the back garden."

"She's my sister."

"She's a bitch."

Lily's brows darted down, her head cocking to the side. He knew immediately he'd gone too far. He held his hands out in front of him.

"She is." James barreled on despite the glower he was receiving. "Petunia has been nothing but awful to you since before I even knew you. Vermin, Merlin! If I ever see him again, I might just bring a Draught of the Living Death with me to put me out of my misery the moment he opens his mouth."

"A little melodramatic there, Potter, even for you." Lily glared before she brushed past him towards the kitchen.

"Not nearly dramatic enough!" James scratched Archibald under his chin. "What a good kitty. Keep smashing those vases, but let's do it during the day, yeah?"

* * *

Sirius walked down the sidewalk with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket. He sighed heavily as the sea air assaulted his senses. The coastal town of Swanage brought back a flood of memories of a two-week holiday he spent with his friends after Hogwarts. He passed the street that he and Marlene had raced James and Lily on tandem bicycles. There was the boardwalk that they explored almost every morning before lounging on the sandy beaches. It seemed like a lifetime ago that the eight of them had been together. Nowadays, two were dead and most didn't talk anymore.

He looked up, his eyes squinting in the darkness as he looked around the town. Sirius stilled as he stared at a familiar storefront. If he concentrated enough, he swore he could see Marlene gripping the lamppost and walking around the pole. She laughed, her head tilted towards the sky as her chestnut curls swung as she moved.

He shook his head, knocking the memory from his eyelids. This was, by far, the worst safe house location he had been stuck with. Part of him thought about just leaving on the spot and find somewhere else to spend the night. He could demand a new safe house in the morning far away from Swanage.

"Sirius!"

He stilled, his hand left hand slowly sliding out of his jacket pocket and reaching down for his wand that was situated in his jeans. His fingers brushed the wood, his heart pounding in his head.

_"The secret cannot be taken by force. The secret must be willingly given."_ The words Dumbledore spoke to him two years prior rang in his head like he had just heard them yesterday. The words had become a mantra in his mind, a totem. It kept him going to know they could not take the location of the Potters from him. He would never willingly allow the secret to slip past his lips.

"Sirius!"

Turning around slowly, the wand twirling between his fingers. He saw Peter running towards him, sweat trickled down his forehead. His cheeks were flushed and his limbs jerked. Ice flowed through Sirius' veins. Someone was dead. That's the only explanation as to why Peter would have found him. His mind flickered to Remus, to McGonagall, to all the little redheaded children of the Weasleys. Bile bitterly rose in his throat.

"What's wrong, Pete?" Sirius sighed, his wand tapping against his thigh.

"Sirius, there's no time." Peter stopped in front of his friend, his hands resting on his knees. "It's Remus."

" _Remus_?" Sirius felt his heart plummet. "Is he… he's dead?"

"No, no, no. The Ministry, err, the Ministry has him in custody. He was caught with Greyback and his lot. They tortured a few Muggleborns, one is dead."

Sirius' brows furrowed at the information. Peter stood to his full height, his face flushed and his hand shot to massage the back of his neck. His beady eyes darted around the abandoned streets. It was nearing one in the morning when Sirius had Apparated to the town.

"Dumbledore, he sent me here." Peter rubbed his hands together. "He's calling an emergency meeting to figure out who told Remus what. Dumbledore sent me to travel with you. He wants you there."

Sirius felt like he couldn't breathe. He had suspected and wondered about Remus' allegiance for years now. To hear the words, to imagine his friend hurting another human being… Sirius gulped. He had to tell James and Lily. They would be devastated. They never truly believed Remus to be the spy. They had even shouted at Sirius to see reason and common sense.

Then, his mind flickered to Harry. The little boy did not know a lot of people. The only people he had physical contact with were his parents and Sirius. He saw Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey once a year at Hogwarts and Lily said the last time that Harry had seen them that he had been petrified of them. He talked weekly with Remus and Peter via the mirrors. It felt wrong that one person had been ripped from Harry's already small circle. Would Harry ask why Remus no longer mirror called?

Sirius stuffed his wand back into his jeans pocket. He had to get to the Hollow, he had to tell the Potters. He wanted to hold Harry close to his chest and feel his sticky little fingers on his cheek. Sirius raked a hand through his hair, his fists clenching the locks. He wanted to scream.

"Tell Dumbledore I'll be by tomorrow. I can't… I just need… someone needs to tell James." Sirius let go of his hair and dropped his arms to his sides.

"What? No, wait, Sirius, you can't just… look, let's talk about this." Peter took a step closer. "We need to get to the meeting. Dumbledore is waiting. You can see James tomorrow. I mean, if you would just… look, Sirius, I've never asked because, well, just because. I would like to see James. I'd like to be there with you when you tell him. Can you just… can you tell me their location?"

"I haven't told anyone the location, Pete." Sirius frowned. "Not even Dumbledore. Nobody knows but me."

Suddenly, a pain shot through his leg. It radiated from his ankle all the way up to his knee. His weight gave out from under him and he crashed into the hard cement. He wheezed as he rocked on his hands and knees. His leg felt like it was seized up into one giant cramp. He couldn't move it and he let out a curse as the pain intensified.

There were footfalls around him. He heard Peter sputter and whine. Sirius gritted his teeth as he looked up, prepared to tell Peter to run. The words died in his throat as, out of nowhere, a steel-toed boot clipped him square in the jaw. He was thrown back onto his side. He could feel the blood pouring down his chin, his neck, and saturating his white t-shirt.

Sirius rolled onto his back and stared up at the starry sky. He blinked, his eyes immediately drawing towards Aquarius in the night sky. His tongue peeked out and licked his bottom lip to taste a bitter, metallic liquid. He reached down with his left hand, his fingers brushing against the wood of his wand.

A familiar face blocked his view of the night sky. Sirius gulped, his fingers wrapping around the handle of his wand, as he sneered up at Rodolphus Lestrange. Lestrange reached out and grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and dragged him a few millimeters off the ground. Sirius refused to look away as he withdrew his wand slowly from his pocket when something pounded down onto his fingers. His head snapped to see Bella's heel from her boot digging into his flesh.

Sirius sucked in a breath, his wand rolling out of his grasp. With a grimace, he looked back at Lestrange just in time to see him draw his arm back. He felt his fist connect with his temple and then there was only darkness.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Arnel for beta-ing for me. 
> 
> Please, don't forget to leave a review. It's a small payment for the hours an author spends agonizing over their stories. It takes less than a minute. Thank you for the support.

" **Abditory"**

Harry squealed loudly as he pelted his father with plush Quaffles. James chuckled, dodging behind the oversized armchair. His hands gripped around the top of the chair and bumped into Archibald who hissed. Archibald clawed frantically at James' hands to get him away from his beloved spot on the back of the chair. A Quaffle ripped through the air and narrowly missed the cat. He jumped off the back of the chair, mewing at Harry as he backed out of the parlor.

Lily flicked her wand to have the plush Quaffles fly back to Harry's feet so he could continue in his pursuit to hit James. Creeping up behind the toddler, she wrapped her hands around his waist and hoisted him up in the air. Harry let out a loud squeak, Quaffle poised in one hand. Lily rushed forward so he could see over the back of the armchair. Harry's arm drew back and he pelted the ball on top of James' head.

"GOT YOU!" Harry hollered before falling into a fit of giggles.

James stood up to his full height, a rare grin spread across his lips. He stepped around the chair and bolted towards the pair. Lily shrieked as she maneuvered Harry onto her hip. Her eyes scanned the room to find a hiding place. She ran around the sofa, her hand holding Harry's head secure against her shoulder.

It only took three giant steps for James to make it over the sofa and land in front of her. He wrapped his arms around the pair, a low growl emitting from his throat. Harry lost it in a fit of giggles as James nestled his nose into the boy's cheek and made noises like he was munching on the toddler's flesh.

"N-n-n-o, eeeeeeeat me!" Harry could barely get the words out through his fit of titters that emitted deep from his throat.

Lily felt Harry turn his face into her neck. His glasses dug uncomfortably into her collarbone as she tried to shield him from James' kisses, pretend bites, and whatever else he was doing to torment the small child.

She pressed her face against James' chest as he bear-hugged her close to him. She turned her head, her nose dragging across his chest, in order to breathe a little better. That's when she saw it. Her heart sped up in her chest, her entire body tensed.

"Lils, you alright?" James pulled back slightly, pausing his attack on Harry.

The lampposts outside were void of any light. The moonlight danced across a figure standing on the sidewalk looking directly at the house. Lily knew the figure could not see their home even if said figure knew they were inside. Unless…

"James." Lily felt the fear rise in her, clawing at her chest and throat.

"Mummy?" Harry touched her cheek.

James stepped away from her and made his way closer to the large bay window. He hunched over, his palms pressing flat on the bench seat. His chest heaved as he leaned his face as close to the glass as humanly possible.

Lily stepped up beside him, her grip tightening on Harry. She watched as his eyes squinted out into the darkness, his glasses twitching on his nose. She turned towards the glass and peered out, her own eyes squinting into the night. She could barely make out the dark robes that hung on the figure, the matching dark tassel cap, and the very distinct white beard that the moonlight bounced off of.

"It's Dumbledore," James croaked out in a hoarse voice.

He rose to stand, his hand flying to grip his hair. Lily squinted some more. She could make out the moon-shaped glasses reflecting on his face. She felt like her heart had dropped to her stomach and her throat close up. Dumbledore never came to see them. He would send Fawkes to deliver messages, once he even entrusted a house-elf.

James was gone. She whipped around to see him rifling through the drawer of the end table. He pulled out a small piece of parchment. She could make out Sirius' painfully large letters, his haphazard use of cursive and print. Lily's heart hammered in her chest as James clenched the piece of paper in his hand.

"Send your Patronus first." Lily shifted the toddler on her hip who was becoming unbearably heavy in her arms.

James' jaw rippled into a tight clench as he pulled his wand out of his jeans. His fingers grasped the wood so tightly that his knuckles were quickly losing their color. His tongue peeked out, licking his bottom lip. Wordlessly, James swirled his wrist and a ginormous stag emitted from the tip of his wand.

"Pwongs!" Harry reached out a hand to touch the stag but was too far away to make contact.

The Patronus galloped through the parlor and leapt out of the bay window. The stag made a beeline for the figure on the sidewalk, prancing and dancing around as though making a show of himself. The figure lit up in the stag's light. Dumbledore's face was drawn, the lines more prominent around his eyes and on his forehead. For the first time in Lily's life, she thought Dumbledore looked… _old_. He watched the stag whirl around him with a frown before his right arm rose in the air.

Lily let out a breath she did not know she was holding. A silvery phoenix soared through night air before gliding through the bay window. Harry oohed and pointed as the phoenix looped gracefully in the air before doing a circle around James and disappearing.

"I'm going to go get him." James looked down at the parchment clenched in his hand before he screwed his eyes shut.

A few beats passed before he moved. His body jerked out of the parlor, his head bowed. Lily looked out of the bay window and watched James walk up the stone path. She could tell the instant James left the wards, saw Dumbledore shift to face him. She watched as James passed Dumbledore the bit of parchment, the two exchange what looked like pleasantries, before both figures made their way towards the house.

Lily stood frozen. Her mind rapidly fired one awful thought after another. Sirius had told no one the secret. No one had been to their house in two entire years. The fact that Dumbledore had been waiting outside, hoping they'd see him… Lily gulped and held Harry a little closer.

"Lily." Dumbledore greeted with a nod as he entered the parlor. "Harry."

A small smile spread across his face but did not reach his eyes. He looked drained, the lines on his face digging into his skin like large crevices. His lackluster blue eyes glanced in Harry's direction. The tiny boy tightened his grip on Lily's neck, his fingers tangling in her curls.

"Just spit it out," James demanded as he crossed into the room and took a spot next to Lily. "What happened? You wouldn't be here unless something happened."

"I have gotten word from my spy within Lord Voldemort's ranks that last night, a group of Death Eaters successfully detained Sirius Black." Dumbledore's eyes rested on James.

"No." Lily felt like she couldn't breathe.

Her hand ran up Harry's back until it rested against the back of his head and her fingers weaved through his unruly hair. She pressed his cheek against hers and closed her eyes. His glasses dug into her cheek bone which only helped her to realize that she was still very much awake and had not slipped into some nightmare.

James made a strangled, guttural noise beside her. She snapped her head towards him to see him bent over, his head between his knees. His elbows rested on his lower thighs. He dry-heaved and made noises that she had never heard another human being make before. His knees gave out under his weight and he slammed into the hardwood floors with a sickening thud. His shoulders shook violently as his piercing caterwaul echoed throughout the cottage.

Lily dropped to her knees, her grip loosening on Harry as his bare toes brushed against the floor. She wrapped an arm around her husband's back, her fingers running circles along his spine. She blinked back her own tears, kept her own sobs locked down in her throat. She bit her bottom lip tightly to keep her sorrow inside. Her face lowered, her nose pressing into James' shoulder.

"Daddy?"

Harry stepped out of Lily's embrace. He wrapped his little arms around his father's neck. For several moments, James didn't move as he continued to howl. Then, as though receiving an electric shock, James' arms flung out and pulled Harry close to his chest. He buried his face into the toddler's inky hair.

Lily did not know how long they stayed huddled on the floor together. Time seemed to stand still as nobody dared to move. Lily sniffed loudly, her gaze rolling up to look at her old headmaster. He stood like a stone statue in the parlor, his hands clasped in front of his belly, his head bowed, his eyes closed tightly.

James' despair seemed to quiet but his grip on Harry did not loosen. Harry whimpered in his father's arms, his little body convulsing. Lily lifted her head to catch sight of her son. He had his face buried into James' jumper, his fists clenched the fabric. She brushed her fingers over his little knuckles causing his head to jerk up.

The skin around his eyes was stained red behind his glasses. His nose bright against his pale skin. Lily wondered just how much Harry had understood. Was he upset because his parents were? Did he hear Sirius' name and think something happened to him? It felt like someone had gripped her heart and attempted to rip it out from her chest. How could she explain what had happened to his beloved godfather? Sirius was only one of three people Harry had ever fully interacted with in his short life. The only person he could remember, besides his parents, who had hugged him and kissed him.

Sirius was now… gone. Captured. Probably being tortured. Lily clenched Harry's fingers as she willed the thoughts out of her head. She wanted to give Harry a reassuring smile, some indication that everything would be alright but she couldn't get her lips to cooperate. Her heart thumped so wildly in her chest that she could hear the blood pumping in her ears.

"I want back in," James croaked out in a hoarse voice.

James rubbed Harry's back and kissed him on the cheek before pulling away. James stood up slowly, his legs wobbly. He let out a shuddering sigh, his shoulders hunched. His left hand shot up, his fingers clumsily pushing his tear-stained glasses up his nose.

"I want back in the Order. I want to attend the meetings regularly again." James sniffed. "I want on the team that's going to find and rescue Sirius. I want to head it. I want to… _fuck_."

"I've already contacted Remus." Dumbledore looked up, his brows pulling down beneath his glasses. "I've asked Remus to work with an Auror who was recruited into the Order by Alastor. His name is Kingsley Shacklebolt. The two of them will head a team to find the location of Sirius."

" _No_." James pulled his glasses off his face and cleaned the lenses vigorously with the hem of his jumper. "I want in."

"James, you know you need to stay hidden. You need to protect Harry." Dumbledore exhaled.

Lily gathered Harry up into her arms as she rose to stand beside James who had roughly shoved the glasses back onto his nose. Their shoulders knocked together as she adjusted Harry on her hip. Her son peered at Dumbledore, his eyes narrowed behind his smudged glasses and his lips stretched thin.

"I am going after Sirius!" James sneered, his top lip curling. "I want… I _need_ to find him. He's being tortured because of _me_. I was the one who asked him to be Secret Keeper! I'm the one who asked him to protect my family! I am more than willing and happy to protect my family. I will stay here like a good little soldier. I am, however, going to every single sodding Order meeting. I will be a part of the rescue team. You will not leave me out of this. Sirius is… he's my _brother_. He's my _family_. I will not abandon Sirius."

"See-wius?" Harry's tiny voice cut through the air.

Harry's wide, almond eyes darted between his mother and father. Lily finally forced a watery smile onto her lips as her fingers traced along the toddler's jaw. She glanced at James out of the corner of her eye to see he would not meet his son's gaze.

"Nobody is abandoning Sirius, James." Dumbledore spoke softly, yet his voice was filled with such a fierce determination.

* * *

_Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._

His head throbbed from his temples to behind his eyes. He could hear the blood pumping loudly in his ears. His arms ached painfully, stretched high above his head at an awkward angle. His mouth was dry, his lips chapped. There was an unbelievable amount of pain radiating from his left side. He felt disorientated and couldn't remember where he was or how he arrived there.

Sirius forced his eyes open. The room he was in was dark and gloomy. There was a pungent smell of blood and urine that assaulted his nostrils. He blinked several times as a sticky liquid seemed to be crusted around his right eye. He attempted to wipe it clean with his sleeve but realized he couldn't lower his arms.

"Fuck." Sirius frowned.

His hands were stuck above his head. There was a cold metal encased around each one of his wrists. He tugged but his arms did not come loose. He pulled harder, attempting to break through the binds, but only found the metal digging uncomfortably into his wrists. His chest heaved as tinges of panic slowly filled his mind.

His eyes darted around the room. The ground he was sitting on was hard. The walls were a weathered brick. Perhaps stone. It was difficult to tell due to the lack of light. He looked up to see the silver around his wrists with a chain that looked like it was attached to a hook on the wall. He sighed heavily as an enormous weight settled on his chest.

He attempted to swallow a lump that formed in his throat but found that he was unsuccessful. He pictured Harry's smiling face, his bright eyes. He licked his swollen bottom lip and he swore he could hear his godson's contagious hyena laugh. Sirius tugged harder

at the restraints, but it was no use. He was only causing his wrists to scrape against the metal and bleed. He wanted to scream, wanted his wand to curse something, but he was just stuck in the dank room alone.

He squinted into the darkness to see if he could make out a door or window. He was in a windowless dungeon. He thought he could make out the door across the room, but there was no way he could get to it chained to a wall. He shivered, his muscles tensing. It was then that he realized they had stripped him of everything except for his boxers. He pulled his knees close to his chest, his toes curling against the icy floor.

He screwed his eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing. He had been in Swanage, walking to the safe house. He saw Peter who told him Remus had been discovered as the spy. Then, just pain and darkness. No, wait, Bella and her husband had been there. His throat narrowed as his stomach knotted. Had they had murdered Peter? Did he escape? Sirius leaned his head against the hard wall.

_The secret cannot be taken by force._

_The secret must be willingly given._

His chest heaved. All he had to do was not break. As long as he didn't break, Harry would be safe. Keeping Harry hidden was the only thing that mattered in the Sirius' world. He would protect his godson with his dying breath.

There was a creak and then a bang. Sirius' eyes darted across the room. Torches on the walls burst to life. Sirius scooted his body back so it was flush against the wall. He tugged on the manacles around his wrists again as a tall figure glided into the room.

_The secret cannot be taken by force_

_The secret must be willingly given._

Lord Voldemort's piercing eyes glared down at him. A smirk tugged on the corners of his ghastly white face. He crouched down in front of Sirius until they were eye level. Sirius attempted to keep his face void of any emotion. It was something he learned growing up as a Black. Showing emotion was a weakness, it was pathetic. Blacks did better than allow their feelings to be worn on their sleeves. Sirius clenched his jaw as his eyes bore into Voldemort's.

"Sirius Black." Voldemort smirked. "I don't think we've had the pleasure of being acquainted yet."

Sirius' heart hammered wildly against his chest. He did not trust himself to speak. He pressed his lips tighter together. Voldemort reached out a hand, his spider-like fingers wrapped around Sirius' chin. Sharp nails dug into his flesh. Voldemort drew Sirius' face forward.

"It's a shame. I was disappointed when I heard you were less like the rest of your family. I knew your parents. They were _eager_ to send your brother to join me. Eager to send your cousins to me. I must admit, the heir to the Black family a blood traitor…" Voldemort clicked his tongue. "How embarrassing."

Voldemort shoved Sirius' head back, his fingers leaving him. Sirius had the overwhelming urge to stretch his jaw but didn't dare give the man in front of him the pleasure. Keep perfectly still. Walburga's lessons were finally paying off.

"You know what I seek, Sirius." Voldemort withdrew his wand from his robes. "I just want the boy. I will make it quick, painless even. I don't revel in killing children even if they've been contaminated. It's not his fault that his father consorted with a Mudblood and sullied his otherwise pure blood."

"He's my godson." Sirius' voice was surprisingly even, his gaze never wavering.

"Tragic, indeed." Voldemort pressed the tip of his wand underneath Sirius' chin. "I will spare your life. Give you a chance to right your wrongs. I hear you are powerful, talented."

"I'm not giving you my godson." Sirius' fists clenched.

The tip of the wand dug into his chin, forcing Sirius' head to raise. He no longer could look Voldemort in his eyes. His lips parted slightly, a long puff of air escaping. He braced himself, every muscle in his body tightening painfully. The tip of the wand left his chin and trailed up his cheek until it connected with his temple. Sirius gritted his teeth as the images flashed in front of his mind.

_Sirius held a two-year-old Harry in his arms. They were spinning, Harry's childish laughter rang in his ears._

_Sirius sulked in the corner of the Order of the Phoenix meeting next to Mad-Eye. He rolled his head back, his gaze focusing on the ceiling. A sob crawled its way up his throat as Dumbledore spoke of Marlene McKinnon's death._

_Sirius sat on the floor with a baby Harry on his lap. His chubby legs kicked the floor. James asked him to be their Secret Keeper, asked him to keep Harry safe no matter what. Sirius agreed, his lips pressing against the crown of his godson's messy head._

The memories stopped. Sirius let out a shuddering breath as his head snapped down to look at Voldemort. He seemed pleased as he stood up to his full height.

"Where are the Potters?" Voldemort's voice cut through the air like a knife.

"I will never tell you," Sirius croaked.

"You will tell me, Sirius." Voldemort pocketed his wand. "You will beg to tell me before this is all over."

Voldemort turned to leave, his head nodding towards a figure hidden in the shadows of the dungeon. Bellatrix Lestrange stepped into the light, a maniacal grin painted across her face. Her wand twirled in her left hand as she practically skipped towards him. There was a glint in her eyes as she pointed his wand squarely at his chest.

Sirius couldn't help it, he squirmed and tugged desperately at the chains that bound him to the wall. He knew of Bella's reputation and had even experienced quite a few of her torturous spells before he ran away from Grimmauld Place. Sirius' jaw tightened. Her lips moved but Sirius could not hear her words over his ragged breathing.

His entire body burned. He couldn't breathe, his chest heaving. It felt like his head was being held under water. He sputtered and gasped for air that never seemed to come. His throat felt like it had ripped in half and he was only vaguely aware that he was screaming. He tugged at the manacles encased around his wrist, the metal burrowing and cutting his wrists deeply.

The burning sensation ceased. Every limb in his body shook as his upper body slumped forward. He was only vaguely aware that he was applying all of his weight onto his wrists, only vaguely aware of the blood pouring down his forearms. There was a ringing in his ears as the bile rose in his throat.

He panted and blinked. His vision was blurry but he could make out Bella's face lingering in front of him. She knelt beside him, her wand tracing circles on the ground between them. Her head cocked to the side and she peered at him through small slits. Sirius groaned as he pushed his body backwards against the wall. Turning his head into his arm, he attempted to wipe the sweat off his brow.

"Where is little, itty-bitty Potter?" Bellatrix leaned her face so close to his that he could feel her hot breath against his cheek.

Sirius' eyes looked beyond his cousin at the now closed door to the dungeon. He twisted his wrists trying to find even an ounce of relief. Bella's face drew closer, her lips brushing against his ear. He closed his eyes as her wand dragged along his bare chest.

"The Dark Lord promises he'll be quick. Painless for the little brat even. If he would allow me to do the deed, I'd rip his little fingers off one by one." Bella's lips twitched against his ear. "He's an abomination with a Mudblood for a mother. I'd tell the Dark Lord his hiding place before he changes his mind, you know. Before he decides to torture the little babe to death."

Sirius' chest heaved as the wand jabbed into his sternum. He opened his eyes and caught sight of Bella's messy tendrils of hair in his direct line of vision. He stayed completely still.

"I hope I get to go with the Dark Lord after you break, Siri." Bella pulled back so they were vis-à-vis. "I'd _love_ to play with James. How long do you think it would take until I crack him? How long can he withstand my torture until be breaks?"

Sirius' lips twitched. In one fluid motion, Bella's wand sliced across his chest. Sirius gasped as his skin split open unexpectantly. Blood oozed out of the wound as Sirius' fingers fumbled to grab the chain of his cuffs.

"We will have so much fun, Sirius. I hope you take a while to break." Bella leaned forward and their noses touched. "I'm looking forward to our little play sessions. _Crucio_!"

Sirius screamed, his voice echoing off the walls of the dungeon.

* * *

Remus Lupin popped the collar of his ratty Mackintosh as he dashed into the nearest alleyway. News of Sirius' capture spread through the Order of the Phoenix like Fiendfyre. Dumbledore had called Peter and Remus aside personally, explained how he had been captured on his way to the newest safe house, how his spy only knew he was captured but not where he was. Remus had gone completely numb. It was almost as though his mind froze at the information. No thoughts, no feelings, no movement. He felt trapped in a block of ice.

Sirius and Remus had barely spoken over ten sentences to one another since the Fidelius Charm had been cast. Most of their communication as of late had been a series of intense glares and sneers. Neither one trusted the other and Remus couldn't exactly explain why. All the hostility and doubt were suddenly gone from Remus' mind. He just felt empty and longed for his friend back. He had so many things he needed to say to Sirius. He couldn't bear the thought of never being able to repair their fractured friendship.

Glancing behind him, his eyes darted around the abandoned alleyway for any signs of life. The coast was clear. He shoved his hands into his pockets and disappeared with a soft _crack!_

Remus' chest heaved involuntarily as he marched along the marsh towards the small collection of rundown cottages. People huddled around a fire. Children ran around with flush faces. Remus had always refused to live in a place like this. Except, there was no other choice now. He needed to stay close, forge bonds, gain trust. That was the one thing he had been lacking in the past two years, getting anyone to trust him completely.

"Lupin."

Remus turned to his right at the gruff voice calling his name. His jaw tightened at the sight of Fenrir Greyback. He had to throw himself all in. _It is the only way, Remus, to join the inner circle and gain Greyback's trust_ , Dumbledore's voice rang like pinpricks in his mind. His hands clenched in his jacket pockets as Greyback strolled towards him.

"I must admit, I didn't expect to see you here." Greyback jeered.

"I'm ready to go all in." Remus squared his shoulders.

"Why now?"

Remus forced his face to remain impartial, impassive. _Numb_. He was still numb which caused him to achieve his goal. His right hand shot out of his pocket and his palm rubbed against his chin.

"Got fired from another job." Remus locked gaze with Greyback. "I can't find anything else."

"Your buddy Dumbledore can't even help you now, can he?" Greyback cocked his head to the side, his lips twisted pouting downward but his eyes glinted. "Must be a hard potion to swallow to know that the man you admire can't even help you now that you're a grown wolf with pressing problems."

"I'm ready to move into the colony if you will have me." Remus settled on saying, ignoring the jab.

"You think I so easily let someone move in? Especially someone like you? A wolf who has spent the better part of his life condemning colonies such as this? Condemning what he is?" Greyback took a step forward, invading Remus' personal space. "What are you after, Lupin?"

Remus stood his ground. He stood a little taller and refused to look away. He was doing this for Sirius, for their friendship. He was doing this for James, for Harry, for Lily.

"I'm tired of hiding who I am. I'm tired of running."

"I'll let you in under one condition." A vile smirk graced Greyback's features. "You run freely with me on the next full moon and help me _deal_ with an issue I've been having with someone."

Remus felt the bile creep up his throat. He had _never_ run with another werewolf on the full moon before, even after Dumbledore asked him to infiltrate the werewolf packs. He knew the request shouldn't surprise him. It was the one thing holding him back from being fully ingrained in the fray. He gulped.

"Are we talking murder?" Remus tried to keep his voice even but heard the last word crack.

"You don't have the balls to run with me, Lupin." Greyback took a step back, his lips curving upward. "I need proof you're with me. I need proof you're not just sniffing around. I heard they took your buddy Black."

"Sirius Black and I haven't been friends for years." Remus glared.

"Hmm… yes, I know." Greyback wiggled his eyebrows. "I hear things too, Lupin. So many eager little lips willing to spill even the smallest bits of information."

Remus tucked that bit of information away in the back of his mind. Most of the people in the Order who knew his history with Sirius were far and few between. Two of them were dead. Two of them were in hiding. Two of them were still actively attending meetings: Peter Pettigrew and Mary Macdonald. Mary was a Muggleborn and Peter was wrought with anxiety more often than not.

"We had a falling out." Remus shrugged.

"I heard he thinks you're a spy for the Dark Lord. I also heard you're in Dumbledore's little Order." Greyback let out a low laugh. "You can't fool me, Lupin. You're Dumbledore's little lap-wolf, aren't you?"

"I was, at one point, dedicated to him for allowing me to attend Hogwarts despite my… condition." Remus' jaw clenched tightened as he shifted his weight. "I joined the Order when he asked me to. He has done nothing for me since. I'm ready to switch allegiances."

"You want to be a spy?" Greyback rolled his head back and let out a howl of amusement. "You don't have what it takes to spy, Lupin. You don't have the guts to commit torture and murder. If you think you have what it takes, come back on the full moon in a couple of weeks. Prove to me you will let yourself be the wolf you're meant to be."

Greyback turned and walked away, his laughter ringing in the clearing. Remus glanced around and saw all the eyes of the pack gawking at him. He took a few steps backward before he made his way out of the werewolf colony with his head held high. Murder as Moony. That's what it would take to fully join Greyback's pack. What would James, Peter, and even Sirius say if they found out?

_"You are more than the wolf, Moony."_ James' words from many years ago rang in his mind as he made his way up the marsh. _"Don't let anyone tell you any differently."_

* * *

Lily pulled the Falmouth Falcons pajama top over Harry's wet locks. She helped him maneuver his arms through the t-shirt holes. Ever since Dumbledore had left, Harry had been unnaturally quiet for a three-year-old. Even though Lily was fairly certain he was clueless on what exactly had been communicated to them, he had picked up on his parents' despair and the way his father had sat pensively in the parlor for the rest of the night. James had not moved from his spot in the armchair or acknowledge anything going on around him.

She picked Harry's glasses up off the bedside table and looked at the smudges on the lenses. She cleaned them with the hem of her shirt before carefully sliding them on the boy's face. Her hands lingered on his cheeks, her fingers brushing against his soft skin. Lily sniffed and dropped her hands to her knees.

"Mummy?" Harry's bottom lip slid between his teeth as he glanced at his bedroom door.

"Yes, darling?"

"Daddy sad."

Lily's breath hitched in her throat. He wanted to know what had transpired. His little eyebrows dipped down below his glasses, his gaze falling to the floor. His fingers tugged and pulled at his pajama top. Harry was naturally a nervous kid. Lily attributed that to the fact that they had rarely ventured out of the house or saw anyone besides Sirius. James had been right when he said all Harry knew was seclusion. Having an unfamiliar person enter their home, seeing James' breakdown must have been a lot for the small child.

"Sirius is missing. Do you know what that means?" Lily brushed a damp lock of hair off his forehead.

"No." Harry blinked up at her and leaned into her touch.

"It means that nobody knows where he is right now."

"I want See-wius." Tears clung to Harry's eyelashes.

"I know, your dad and I want him too." Lily felt like her throat was slowly closing up. "There's a lot of people looking for him though."

Lily picked up the hooded dragon towel from where it lay on the floor and draped it on top of Harry's messy mop of hair. She massaged his scalp with the towel to dry his hair a little more before tossing it on the foot of his bed. She picked up the comb she had brought from the bathroom next. She gestured for him to sit down and he complied instantly. He drew his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. She pulled the comb through his hair, gently tugging out the tangles.

Once satisfied that his hair was as good as it would get, she pocketed the comb before standing up. She tugged Harry up by his arm. He bowed his head and made his way to his bed. He climbed up as Lily drew back the covers and he scooted down under them. His arm immediately reached out for the plush black dog and cuddled it to his close to his chest.

Lily reached out and tapped the light on his bedside table with her wand. More than a dozen Golden Snitches danced on the ceiling, dipping down slowly onto the walls and rising back up moments later. Harry looked up at the dancing lights, his eyes watching one Snitch in particular.

She sat down on the mattress and tugged the covers up over him and his stuffed animal. Her fingers trailed along the snout of the stuffed dog and her throat narrowed. She blinked furiously several times to keep the tears at bay. She had to be strong not only for James but for Harry as well despite the fact that she just wanted to fall into a heap on the floor.

There was a creaking in the hallway. She craned her neck back to see James lingering in the doorway. He seemed to watch the Snitches dance around the room. It was just another reminder of Sirius as the light had been a gift from him to Harry for his third birthday. James cleared his throat before making his way fully into the room.

James reached out and plucked the glasses off Harry's face with care before placing them into their case on his bedside table. He bent down and placed a kiss on the toddler's forehead, his lips lingering. He pulled away slightly moments later.

"I love you, Harry." James forced a smile on his lips.

"Love you, Daddy."

Harry reached up his arm that was not around the plush toy and wrapped it around his dad's neck. He pecked James quickly on the cheek, making an exaggerated kissing noise, before flopping back onto his pillow. James moved to stand when Harry reached out and grabbed his fingers.

"I miss See-wuis too."

A strangled noise sounded from the back of James' throat. His free hand rose to his face, pushing his glasses up, as his fingertips viciously rubbed his eye. Lily reached out a hand and rubbed the small of James' back.

"Night." James smiled down at the boy before gently tugging his hand back and making his way out of the bedroom.

Lily sniffed before leaning down to place a kiss on Harry's cheek and telling him she loved him. She bid him goodnight and heard his childish voice echoing a goodnight back at her. She softly snapped the door closed behind her and placed the tip of her wand to the door, casting a Monitoring Charm on the room before making her way downstairs and to the kitchen.

She found James busying himself making a cup of tea, his back towards her. She stepped up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek into his shoulder blade. He stilled in her arms, his hands moving to grip the countertop in front of him.

"We will find him." Lily tightened her grip around him. "We will bring him home."

"I want to let Remus know our location." James cleared his throat. "We can have Dumbledore give him one of the bits of parchment with the location on it."

Lily pulled back, her hand resting on his bicep. She tugged on his arm to turn him to face her. He did so willingly, his eyes blazing with an intensity she had not seen before.

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"I have never doubted Remus before." James ran his hands up her arms. "Sirius did. Sirius always thought he was the spy. The last person who Sirius would have told about the newest safe house would have been Remus. There's no doubt in my mind that Remus is innocent. I want to be involved. I want to be kept in the loop. I can do that safely if Remus can come to the house and give me updates. I need to help find him, Lils, I _need_ to. He's my brother."

"Then, we'll let Remus in. I always trusted him." Lily sniffed. "I always thought Sirius was a paranoid bugger to suspect Remus."

Lily's hands splayed across his chest. She felt his erratic heartbeat underneath her palms. They had been nearly, blissfully ignorant of the war up until this point. They had stayed hidden in the Hollow and lived in their own little world for two years. Now, the war was crashing into them with a vengeance. They could no longer stay hidden, stay ignorant. The war had crept up on their doorstep, pounding relentlessly. They could no longer ignore it.


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge, special thanks to Arnel for beta-ing for me like usual. Another huge thanks to Breanie for helping me work out a few details of the story and inspiring scenes.
> 
> Please, don't forget to leave a review. It's a small payment for the hours an author spends agonizing over their stories. It takes less than a minute. Thank you for the support.

" **Abditory"**

James held Harry close to his chest as Lily held out the deflated football in her hand. The toddler chewed on his bottom lip and looked anxiously between his father and the football. Harry's hand clenched the back of James' neck, his nails digging into the flesh. James pressed a kiss onto the boy's cheek to calm him down. Since Harry was born, James could count the number of times Harry had left the safety of the Hollow on one hand. His heart twisted at seeing his son petrified to venture outside of the house.

"You'll be with me the whole time." James rested his forehead against Harry's. "I won't let you go. We're going somewhere very safe. We're going to go to Hogwarts. You remember Hogwarts? The place where we got your glasses a month ago. It's where your mum, Sirius, and I all met."

James cleared his throat. Even saying Sirius' name was torture. He couldn't stop thinking of his best mate locked away in some Death Eater dungeon being slowly tortured so they could gain access to the Hollow. He would never admit it to Lily, but he _knew_ Voldemort already knew where their house was. He had seen cloaked figures walking down the lane, glaring at the house as though willing it to materialize.

"You just have to put your hand on the football, alright, darling?" Lily lifted the ball up so that Harry had easy access to it.

James adjusted Harry on his hip to get a better grip on him. He reached out a hand and touched the football to show his son what to do. He glanced over at the mantle and realized they had to get Harry to touch within the next few moments if they were going to catch the Portkey.

"Come on, Harry, you remember the last Portkey, yeah?" James smiled gently.

Hesitantly, he reached out and his fingers brushed the Portkey. Lily's hand rested over his to make sure he did not let go. Glancing up at the mantle, he watched the hand tick down the seconds. He pressed his lips to Harry's temple just as the Portkey activated.

They landed in McGonagall's office. She looked up from her desk, a soft smile across her normally strict face. James couldn't find it within himself to smile back. He just rubbed Harry's back and whispered comforting words into his ear. The tiny child's only response was to tighten his grip around his father's neck and bury his nose deeper into his collarbone.

They marched through the corridors of Hogwarts. James was not struck with nostalgia or even excited to be outside of the walls of the Hollow for once. There was just a growing pit in the bottom of his stomach that seemed to expand and stretch within him.

He couldn't remember the last Order of the Phoenix meeting that he attended. Lily had stopped going shortly after Harry was born, opting to stay cooped up in the house for his safety. James continued to go alone for a while to stay updated, but he had been benched from all missions since the moment they found out about the prophecy a few months before Harry was born.

As soon as they arrived in the meeting room, murmurs broke out amongst the occupants. Lily glided away from her husband and son at the sight of Mary Macdonald. A few people shot James looks but didn't dare go near him. The news of Sirius' abduction must have spread quickly.

"How are you holding up, James?" Professor McGonagall touched his elbow, a sad smile on her lips.

"I just want to find him. This is all my fault. I wish I never asked him to be Secret Keeper." James sighed and ran his fingers through Harry's messy hair.

"Sirius would do anything for you and your family. He loves Harry so much. Every time I saw him, he couldn't stop talking about Harry. I think the day you made him godfather was the happiest day of his life."

Remus entered the room and stilled in the doorway. Their eyes locked but James did not move from his spot next to McGonagall. His eyes drifted to where his wife stood. Lily pulled away from the plump red-head woman she and Mary were talking with to greet Remus. They embraced and James could have sworn he saw tears in Remus' eyes.

"You just have to remember," McGonagall continued, "that he is worth more alive than dead. They want the secret, James, so they will not kill him. Sirius is too stubborn and loyal to ever betray you or Harry."

"Daddy, I want See-wius." Harry sniffed.

"Me, too. He's missing right now, but I'm going to find him and bring him home, yeah? I'll bring Sirius home."

Harry leaned forward until his cheek was pressed firmly against his father's cheek. James could feel the corners of his son's glasses pressing into his face. He reached up a hand to cup Harry's cheek to hold their faces close together. James blinked a slew of tears back furiously.

"Oh, James." McGonagall frowned. "We'll find him."

Dumbledore swept into the meeting room looking grave and worn. The Order members started to claim seats. James looked back at Lily who kissed Remus on the cheek before her eyes landed on him. He sank down into a seat in the front row next to McGonagall. He shifted Harry so the boy could sit in his lap. Harry sat sideways, his cheek resting against James' chest. Lily soon sat down next to them, her face leaning forward to kiss Harry on the nose before sitting up.

James' head lolled back as various Order members gave their reports. He did not understand what was being talked about as he hadn't attended a meeting in two years. His jaw clenched as he glanced around the room. Various people were gaping at him, whispers were being had. James locked eyes with Peter who merely just frowned at him.

Once the reports were over, Dumbledore steered the conversation to Sirius' abduction. Audible gasps rang out throughout the room. James felt his throat narrow painfully as Harry tensed in his arms. James wondered just how much of the conversation his son was actually comprehending.

There was no information about where Sirius was or what was happening to him. James stared at the wall behind Dumbledore. His heart hammered in his chest as Harry's fingers played with the sleeve of his jumper. The toddler was oddly still and quiet in his arms. Somehow, that just made sitting in the room all the worse.

James needed some fresh air. He felt like he was suffocating, as if the walls were closing in on him. He slid Harry into Lily's lap and murmured that he needed to step out for a moment. Lily's brows furrowed but she said nothing. Harry moaned for him and reached out his hands to go with his father, but James shot him a tight smile before he rose from his chair. He bolted for the door, his eyes resting briefly on Remus who sat in the back between Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alastor Moody. Across the room from Remus, sat Peter with Elphias Doge and Mundungus Fletcher.

James looked down at the floor, his hands stuffing themselves into his trouser pockets and exited the room. His chest heaved as he thought about how their tight-knit group had fractured to the point where they couldn't even sit together. Sirius and Remus had enough rows after Hogwarts to last a lifetime, each throwing around accusations and snide remarks. Peter slipped away, unable to deal with the fighting and the tension. James tried to keep the peace. Once the Fidelius had been cast, it became increasingly hard to keep the group from fighting.

When the Fidelius Charm was cast, Sirius called him James for the first time in years instead of Prongs. It was that moment, in his living room right before Sirius went to the first safe house, that James knew their group had dissolved. It had been two years since the names Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs had escaped either of their lips. They were no longer the Marauders. They were just James and Sirius with some old friends called Peter and Remus who they never saw anymore.

Running a hand through his hair, James felt like screaming. Anger, hurt, pain all clawed at his chest and ripped his heart apart. He missed the Marauders, missed seeing Remus and Peter. He communicated with them via mirrors while in hiding, they had talked in pleasantries to Harry during those times, but they no longer felt like family. When he saw them enter the room, he found he couldn't face them. It had been Lily who greeted Remus, Lily who hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. James had just hung back with Harry.

James stilled in his stride. Lingering outside of the headmaster's office was none other than Severus Snape. Every single muscle in his body seemed to tense, his jaw clenched painfully. He had not thought of Snape in years. His name had not been uttered in years. He had the sudden urge to choke the living daylights out of him.

The whispers around school had been that he took the Dark Mark during Easter break of their seventh year. When the rumors swirled, Lily had been heartbroken for her old friend. She had lashed out, shouting about his stupidity, cried in James' arms about how foolish he was. It was the last time he had ever heard Lily utter his name or talk about him.

As though his legs were being led by invisible strings, James marched towards Snape. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears, could hear his breaths coming out in short and sharp huffs. Snape turned and sneered as soon as he caught sight of his childhood enemy. James only saw red.

He sped up his strides and pushed Snape up against the wall in one swift motion. His right forearm pressed against Snape's windpipe while his left hand grabbed Snape's wrist to stop him from grabbing his wand. Their faces were so close together that their noses nearly touched. James bared his teeth at the man as his chest heaved.

"Where is he?"

"Who?" Snape sneered.

"Don't play fucking games with me!" James pushed his forearm harder against Snape's throat. "Where is Sirius?"

"Why would I know where Black is?" Snape wheezed and tried to wrench his wand arm free from James' grip.

"I know you're Voldemort's little lapdog."

"Let me go, Potter." Snape jerked again.

James eased his arm off Snape's throat. He seized Snape's left arm and pulled up his sleeve with such force that the fabric ripped. There, gleaming on his arm, was the Dark Mark. James had never seen it in person before, but he knew what it looked like: the snake coiling out of the skull's mouth. James felt bile rise in his throat.

"Tell me again how you don't know where Sirius is," James challenged through clenched teeth.

"I imagine that he's getting exactly what he deserves." Snape glared at him, his eyes narrowed and upper lip twitched.

James rushed forward, pinning him to the wall once more. Snape barely managed to grasp his wand but James was quicker. He slammed Snape's wrist into the wall with such force that the wand slipped from his fingers.

* * *

Lily rocked from side to side in her chair. Harry's back leaned against her chest. She had her arms around his waist and his hands fiddled with the bracelets on her wrist. She allowed him to take them off and put them on his own wrist. She watched as he looked over at the two redheaded children who played quietly on the floor across the room several times.

She tried to focus her attention on what her former headmaster was saying but found it increasingly difficult. Her mind kept wandering to Sirius being tortured and could understand completely how James had to bolt from the room when the Order meeting steered to his abduction.

She focused on her breathing which came out in long, ragged breaths. She had become just as close to Sirius over the years as James had. Her tongue peeked out and moistened her bottom lip as her mind slipped back to the day she realized Sirius Black wasn't all that bad of a guy.

She received a letter that her father had died in a freak mill accident late one night during her sixth year. She knew that her mother must have gone to the Snapes and begged Eileen when Tobias was at work to figure out how to even send an owl to her daughter to let her know. There was no other way her mother would have had access to an owl. Lily knew her mother loathed the Snapes and had felt bad for Sev. She had all but adopted Sev as the son she never had. Her mother had just been as heartbroken as her daughter to hear about their fight during fifth year, to hear about how he had called her the nastiest of nasty names, to hear he was falling into the wrong group.

She had been crying in the common room for hours, long after everyone else had gone to bed when Sirius Black stumbled through the portrait hole with his arm cradled against his chest and blood pouring down his face from a wound on his temple. Sirius had told her years later that the wolf in Remus had been upset with him for something nobody would talk about and had attacked Padfoot that night. Even James wouldn't say more on the topic, but Lily knew the four of them had a falling out prior to the attack and they had shunned Sirius for a whole three weeks before they had gotten back together and pretended as though nothing had ever happened.

She remembered Sirius had sat down next to her, asked her what was wrong. He seemed so concerned and not the cocky, arsehole git she was used to. Being unable to talk to Sev, she spilled her sob story out to Sirius. She cried over her father's death, lamented about how she wanted to talk to Severus but couldn't, told him about her difficulties with Petunia. There had been so much building up inside of her that once she started, she found she couldn't stop. Sirius had just sat there and listened to her. Her had placed his arm around her shoulders at one point and began asking questions. Before long, he cracked jokes to make her smile.

When the sun started to rise, she felt better. She felt lighter than she had since her fight with Sev six months prior. She had actually _hugged_ Sirius. She had even mended his broken arm so he didn't have to answer questions from the matron. Every night, for the next month, Lily Evans and Sirius Black sat in the Gryffindor common room after everyone went to bed to talk. He told her about his life with his awful parents while she talked about how vile Petunia had become over the years. Soon, she would walk with Sirius to class and joke along the way. Before long, she found herself talking to James Potter and found she could carry a conversation with him without wanting to hex his brains out.

Sirius had been the one who had introduced Lily to a side of James she had never seen before, a side that she rather enjoyed. Anytime James said or did something moronic, Sirius would quickly slap the back of his head. Even after she married James, Lily found herself confiding in Sirius late at night at the Hollow over a cup of tea. He always listened to her with an intensity that nobody else ever had. Lily would go as far to say that Sirius had become her best friend over the years, her confidant, her brother. There was no question in her mind that Sirius was the only person capable of being Harry's godfather. Without Sirius, she doubted she and James would have ever gotten together.

Lily bent down and pressed her lips to the crown of Harry's unruly hair. It was the one feature she was glad that Harry had gotten from James. It gave James an effortless, handsome look. On Harry, it made him look adorable.

Dumbledore continued to talk about the search for Sirius. Remus, Alastor Moody, and Kingsley Shacklebolt would head a team to find him. They each had a set of unique informants at their disposable. Who those informants were, Lily didn't know. Before Dumbledore could go into further detail, there was a noise that caught everyone's attention. The room stilled and everyone craned their necks in their seats to the back of the room as a shouting match outside occurred. Lily frowned as she heard the delicate tones of James Potter hollering indistinctly.

"Lily, if you could, please." Dumbledore sighed wearily.

Nodding, her heart pounding in her chest, Lily slid Harry off her lap and grabbed his hand in hers. She gently tugged her son along as her eyes scanned the room. Remus sat in the back with Kingsley and Alastor. She hesitated only a few seconds before she stilled next to the group.

"Remus, can you watch Harry for me?"

"What? Uh, yeah, sure." Remus stood up and passed Alastor to get out of the row.

He crouched down in front of Harry, a lopsided smile spread across his lips. He had not seen Harry in person since he was a baby, since before the Fidelius was cast. They held weekly mirror calls with Remus where Harry often sat in on. Remus had never missed their weekly mirror call unless it was a full moon. He was the only one diligent about it, dedicated to them.

"Stay with Remus, Harry, alright? Mummy will be right back."

"Noooooo, Mummy!" Harry clenched onto Lily's arm as the tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Do you want to go for a walk? We can grab a snack in the kitchens. I bet we could find some biscuits." Remus reached out for the boy and gently pried him off Lily.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw McGonagall making her way towards the group. There was a kindness on her features that Lily had never seen before. Gone was all of her strict professionalism. She knelt down in front of the child and smiled.

"Let's take him out of the room, Remus." McGonagall kept her gaze on Harry. "Would you like to see a kitty cat, Harry? Let me show you my cat. Come on."

Remus scooped a protesting Harry up into his arms. Lily offered him her best reassuring smile. The four of them exited the room. Lily made a right outside to follow James' voice. He was angry, angrier than she had ever heard him. She turned around to see McGonagall shifting into her Animagus form with ease and bumping her head against Harry's hand. Lily rounded the corner towards Dumbledore's office and her heart stopped.

She didn't know what else she expected to find. James Potter fighting with Severus Snape was not one of them though. They were both red in the face and shaking. James had Severus pinned to the wall. There was a discarded wand on the floor.

"James!" Lily moved towards them, her head high and shoulders squared.

James whipped around and immediately stepped away from Snape at the sight of his wife. His eyes darted around her. His hand immediately reached for his wand, his entire body tensing.

"Where's Harry?" James' voice was hoarse.

"He's with Remus and Professional McGonagall."

"You left him alone? Are you mad?" James' eyes narrowed and flashed.

"I wouldn't have had to leave him if you weren't causing a scene," Lily snapped harsher than she intended to. "Old habits die hard, huh, Potter?"

James kept his mouth shut, but she saw the muscles in his neck tense. His lips drew in a thin line as he stared at her hard.

" _Lily_." Severus' full attention was on her, but Lily couldn't bear to look at him. "Can we talk alone?"

"No, you can't talk to her alone." James seethed. "He has the fucking Dark Mark on his arm, Lily. I saw it with my own two eyes. There's no denying it anymore. The rumors were true."

Lily shot him a look as her chest heaved. She did not need to hear the bickering, did not need reminding of the harsh truth of the deterioration between her and Severus' friendship. Her jaw clenched and she counted to five in her head before she turned to look at her old friend.

He looked thinner than she remembered. His skin was so pale that it almost looked like wax paper stretched over bone. His hair still hung limply around his face although it was slightly shorter and better kept than the last time she saw him.

"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of James." Lily crossed her arms over her chest and took a step forward.

"How strong is that love potion he has you under?" Severus sneered.

"Don't say that! Don't you dare insinuate that!" Lily's eyes flashed dangerously.

"You hated him when we were younger! Now, you're suddenly married to him and had his kid! Tell me how that happened if it wasn't some love potion!"

Lily could hear James shifting behind her but he remained silent. She thanked her lucky stars that he had enough sense not to get involved.

"You want know why? It's because he grew up. He stopped acting like a prat. You, you just got more childish," she snapped viciously. "I'll tell you what. Show me your left arm. If there's nothing there, I'll leave James on the spot. Prove him wrong!"

Severus didn't move. He just stared at her. The seconds passed where neither one dared to say anything. Then, she saw it. He moved his left arm as though trying to hide it from her view. She saw his sleeve was torn as he tried to keep the fabric flat against his arm.

"We don't talk anymore because you joined a group that would rape, torture, and murder people like me." Lily's voice was alarmingly low. "Mudbloods like me."

" _Lily_."

"Don't, Sev, just don't. Don't pretend like you never called me a Mudblood."

"I've apologized for that, Lily, I didn't _mean_ it!" Severus' head rolled back to look at the ceiling as he blinked furiously.

"How many Mudbloods have you tortured and killed with your little Death Eater friends?" Lily's body quaked, her muscles tense.

"If you would just let me explain!" Severus looked at her with unshed tears shining in his eyes.

"Ask me what's on James' arm. Go ahead. _Ask me_."

Again, Severus didn't dare answer. His chest heaved. His eyes flickered behind her, glaring at James no doubt. Still, James remained so quiet behind her that she wondered if he was still lingering there. She knew he was. He would never leave her alone with Severus even if he hadn't joined Voldemort.

" _Nothing_." Lily took a step forward. "Nothing is on his arm, Sev. Despite all of James' faults, despite how he can be a complete arse when he wants to be, James has _never_ been tempted by the Dark Arts. He has never once even considered joining Voldemort. He's repulsed by him. That's why I'm with James. That's why I married him. He's _never_ seen me as a Mudblood. He's never thought I was less than him. I can't say the same for you, Severus."

Severus' eyes darted back and forth wildly. Lily felt a lump build in her throat. He was so different than from what she remembered. She hadn't believed the rumors at the time that he had taken the Mark. Perhaps, she just didn't _want_ to believe it. Even though she hadn't seen it for herself, she knew James wouldn't lie about such a thing. The way Severus was acting… it told her everything she needed to know.

"Just let me explain. Please, Lily, you have to understand." Severus took a step forward.

"I don't need an explanation, Severus. I don't care." Lily licked her lips. "There's only one question I want you to answer. Answer me one question and maybe, just _maybe_ , I can begin to forgive you."

"Anything, Lily, anything. I want us to be friends again. I've missed you." Severus smiled slightly, his whole face lighting up at the possibility.

"Where is Sirius Black?"

In a split second, Severus' face melted. He looked like someone had punched him in the gut. His head bowed, his Adam's apple bobbed. His hair hung loosely around his face, obscuring his expression.

"I don't know," he croaked out.

"Look, I know you hate Sirius and James. Honestly, Sev, I don't even blame you. They were awful to you." Lily tried to keep her voice even, tried not to shout in exasperation. "Despite Sirius' faults, he's a good man. He doesn't deserve to be tortured to death. _Nobody_ deserves that. I wouldn't even dream of wishing that on my worst enemy. Please, Sev, if there is any ounce of good left in you, if you have ever cared for me, you will tell me where Sirius is."

"I don't know where he is, Lily." Severus looked up at her through the tangles of his hair.

"We have nothing left to talk about, then."

Lily took two steps back and blinked rapidly to keep her own tears from falling. She would not give him the satisfaction of watching her cry over him again. She turned to see James lingering not far from her. His hands were stuffed in his trouser pockets, his shoulders hunched. She wanted nothing more than to be in his strong arms, to feel his lips press against her forehead.

"I'm telling the truth, Lily! I don't know!" Severus pleaded. "I'm not what you think I am!"

"SHOW ME!" Lily whipped around, her teeth bared. "Show me your arm and prove it! You're lying, Severus! I know you're lying!"

Lily marched towards him. She threw out her arms and pushed Severus backwards. He didn't move, didn't retaliate. She wanted him to hit her, scream at her, call her names. She wanted to provoke him. She heard James call her name, but she didn't respond. She pushed Severus again, causing him to stumble back the second time around.

Suddenly, James' arms were around her. One around her waist and the other around her chest. He pulled her back away from Severus, his mouth whispering words in her ear that she couldn't comprehend through her blind rage. A dry sob escaped her lips as her hands reached up to grab James' arm. She clenched the forearm around her chest tightly as she crumbled in his arms.

"I hate you!" Lily shouted so loudly that she thought her throat would rip in half. "I hate you! How could you? How could you join him? How could you ruin our friendship? He wants my son, Severus! He wants Harry and you're helping him!"

"DADDY!"

Lily twisted in James' arms to see Remus, McGonagall, and Harry standing at the end of the corridor. Harry wrenched his hand free from Remus' and bolted down the corridor. He screamed his father's name again and Lily felt James' grip loosen around her. Suddenly, James let go of her and she felt an emptiness wash over her like cold ice. James crouched down and caught Harry in his arms. James assaulted Harry's cheek with kisses as he stood up with the boy secure in his arms.

James swung Harry until the boy was situated securely on his hip before he reached out a free arm to wrap around Lily's shoulders. He tugged her snugly against his chest and planted a kiss on her temple. Lily wrapped an arm around his waist and planted the other hand on his stomach near Harry's trainer. She screwed her eyes shut and took a few calming breaths.

James started to walk, his hand rubbing her shoulder and encouraging her to follow. She kept her eyes closed, not daring to look at Severus as James led her away from him. She counted to ten before she opened her eyes. They were walking towards Remus and McGonagall who both gave her pitied looks. Her jaw clenched and she tried to ignore them.

* * *

Sirius had long ago lost the feeling in his arms. He had no idea how long he had been in the dungeon, no idea how long he had sat in the same damn spot with his arms stretched over his head. His mouth felt suspiciously like cotton and his entire body ached. Worst of all was the rumbling in his stomach. He had not eaten since he arrived. They gave him meager amounts of water. He leaned his head against the crook of his elbow.

The door creaked open but Sirius didn't have it in him to even look up to see who entered. He already knew. Bellatrix Lestrange had been his chief torturer and interrogator for the past… however many days he had been trapped in the hellhole. A hard lump formed in his throat and claws scratched at his chest. Her high-heeled boots came into his line of sight.

"Do you know what today is, Siri?" Bella drew closer until her face was directly in front of his and he had nowhere else to look.

Sirius' caught a flicker of two candles shoved into a cupcake. He tried to gulp down the lump in his throat but was unsuccessful. The two and the four taunted him, the heat licking close to his skin. It was the first warmth he felt in days. That's what it had been if it truly was his twenty-fourth birthday. Three days in the dungeon. Three days of torture. Three days of torment. Three days that he didn't spill the secret.

"Would you like me to sing you Happy Birthday?" Bella straddled his thighs and he wished he had been curled up in a ball and not stretching his legs.

"No." Sirius' voice was rough, jagged.

"Awe, Siri, that's not very nice."

"It's my birthday, isn't it?" Sirius tore his eyes away from the cupcake and candles to look at her face.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you." Bella plucked out the two candle and held it under his chin. "Happy birthday dear Sirius. I can't wait to break you."

The tiny flame licked Sirius' chin. He jerked his head back as far as he could. Bella sneered before she shoved the flame into his chest. He hissed in pain as the candle extinguished against his skin. She tossed the candle behind her shoulder before she did the same thing with the four candle. She tossed that candle to the side as well. She squirmed in his lap before she delved into eating the cupcake in front of him, making noises of pleasure the entire time. Bile rose uncomfortably in Sirius' throat.

"We are going to have so much fun together today." Bella licked some frosting from her finger. "This will be a birthday you'll never forget."

Bella took her wand out as she smirked at him. She dragged the tip of her wand across his chest, her lips pursed. She blinked up at him.

"I heard your little bitty godson was out of the house." Bella's voice was low and husky. "He went to an Order of the Phoenix meeting with his mummy and daddy. They're all so concerned about where you are."

Sirius heart pounded against his chest. He knew Bella wasn't lying. Bella was a lot of things but a liar wasn't one of them. She liked people to know exactly who she was and what she was capable of. She liked to play mind games with truths and not falsities. It stung more that way and she knew it.

The door to the dungeon opened again. Sirius dared to look past Bella to see Lord Voldemort entering the room. He lingered behind Bella, watching through the slits of his snake-like eyes.

"I hope I get to meet your godson. I heard he's a cute kid." Bella smiled widely as she jabbed her wand under Sirius' chin. "Very shy from what I hear. He cried when his mummy and daddy tried to leave him with some Order members so they could leave the room without the brat for five minutes. It must be hard, being around a constantly whining and clinging toddler."

Sirius bit back a comment. He would not get riled up or give her the satisfaction that he was peeved with the way she talked about Harry. His godson was the purest, most beautiful child in the entire world. The idea that anyone wanted to hurt him or kill him was beyond Sirius' comprehension.

"I'd like to rip his little fingernails off. Do you think that'd make him cry? I heard he's a bit of a crybaby." Bella's wand left his chin and traced up his cheek.

"I will kill you if you touch one hair on his head." Sirius' jaw clenched.

"It'd be fun to torture the little babe. Maybe I could get pointers from Fenrir Greyback. I heard he like them young."

"Now, now, Bella." Voldemort took a step forward. "None of that. Little Harry won't be getting any of that. We want him out of the way quickly. We'll save our torture for James Potter. He's much more deserving of it."

Bella ran her hand through Sirius' sweaty, dirty hair before she stood up. She stepped aside but did not leave the room. Voldemort stepped forward and crouched down in front of Sirius. He pointed his wand at Sirius' temple and smirked.

_"See-wuis!" Harry's childish laughter rang as they ran around the back garden._

_Sirius' heart nearly leapt out of his chest when Harry wandered dangerously close to where the Fidelius Charm ended. He rushed forward and scooped the boy up into his arms. He kissed the toddler's cheek._

_"Harry, don't go past that tree."_

_"Why?" Harry's brow furrowed as his fingers reached out to touch his godfather's cheek._

_"We don't go beyond the tree, yeah? We stay in the garden."_

_"See-wuis." Harry's bottom lip slid between his teeth. "What's past the twee?"_

_Sirius pressed his lips against the boy's forehead, his heart hammered ruthlessly, not knowing what to say or how to explain it. He screwed his eyes shut and held his godson close to his chest._

_Everything melted._

_Sirius sat on Harry's bedroom floor with the small toddler in his lap. The instruction manual lay in Harry's lap while he rotated a piece of wood._

_"Okay, right, here's piece B1." Sirius handed the piece of wood across an array of wood pieces to James. "You connect that to D2."_

_"With what screw?" James flipped a sheet of cardboard over to study an array of screws in different pockets._

_"Uh… S15 with an S7." Sirius squinted down at the paper. "Bloody Muggles. Why do they have to make things so complicated?"_

_"This is rubbish." James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Complete and utter rubbish."_

_"Ah, are my three favorite men being bested by a bed?" Lily walked into the room with three mugs of hot tea and a sippy cup of chocolate milk floating in front of her._

_"Mummy!" Harry jumped off his godfather's lap, the pamphlet falling to the floor and closing._

_"What do you say about staying in your toddler bed a bit longer, eh, mate?" James grabbed one of the floating cups of tea._

_"No!" Harry stomped his foot. "Big boy bed!"_

_"I hate you for buying this bed, Sirius." James sipped his tea as he looked over at the enormous box with a picture of the bed printed on the front. "Couldn't you have picked one up that was already built and just shrunk it?"_

_"Is there a furniture building charm, Evans? That would be exceedingly helpful right about now." Sirius flipped through the manual to find their spot._

_"Mummy do it! Mummy do bed!" Harry took a swing of his sippy cup as he stepped over various bed pieces._

_"Yes, Mummy do it. Mummy's very talented." James grinned up at her._

_The scene melted again._

_Sirius was sprawled across a twin bed with dark Falmouth Falcons sheets. A pillow, whose case had a huge black falcon printed on it, was propped up on the headboard. Sirius lounged back against the pillow, his arm tucked underneath the slight form of his godson who was nestled into his side. Sirius had his knees bent, a book propped up on his thighs._

_"Merlin, Harry, this caterpillar is very hungry." Sirius rested his cheek against the boy's messy head._

_"Stwawbells." Harry pointed at a picture in the book._

_"Strawberries." Sirius chuckled._

_"Stwaw-bees."_

_"Okay, you can have the strawberries and I'll have the pie. Deal?"_

_"No, I want tee-cle tawt."_

_"You want what now? Tee-cle tart?" Sirius leaned down so that his ear was closer to Harry's lip. "Say it again."_

_"Tee-cle tawt." Harry giggled. "It yummy."_

_"I'll take your word for it."_

_Sirius turned the thick page. Harry immediately pointed out the caterpillar on the page as Sirius read the words in a low rumble. He turned the page again, and Harry let out a loud string of cackles._

_"BIG!"_

_"Whoa, he got so big! He's like you, Harry. You're so big now too!"_

_"Imma big boy." Harry grinned up at him. "I dis many."_

_Harry held out three fingers. Sirius pressed a kiss to the boy's head, his lips curving up. He loved spending time with the little boy, loved lazy Sundays reading in bed together, active Saturdays playing chase in the garden, random weekdays building block towers and sneaking biscuits._

_"I love you, Harry."_

_Harry buried his nose into his godfather's side, his arms clenching him tightly. He murmured his I love you too in his childish voice. Sirius felt like his heart would expand and explode at the four words._

Sirius gasped, panting hard for breath. He could feel the sweat pour down his face. His eyes watered causing Voldemort to appear blurry in front of him. It was the only thing that Voldemort seemed to do to him, break into his mind like he was fishing for specific details. No matter how hard he fought thinking of Harry, the memories that Voldemort drew out of him always had to do with tiny godson. He poked and prodded his mind, shifted through the memories like a strainer. Sirius did not understand why Voldemort seemed to zero in on those memories – perhaps, sizing up his three-year-old enemy?

"You may continue, Bella." Voldemort stood up and exited the dungeon.

Bella stepped forward, her wand twirling between her fingers like a baton. Sirius braced himself when the tip pointed directly at his chest. His world exploded.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge, special thanks to Arnel for beta-ing for me like usual. Another huge thanks to Breanie for helping me work out a few details of the story and inspiring scenes.
> 
> Please, don't forget to leave a review. It's a small payment for the hours an author spends agonizing over their stories. It takes less than a minute. Thank you for the support.

" **Abditory"**

The first thing he realized was that his cheek was cold. Sharp, uncomfortable edges were pressing into his flesh. He blinked several times to clear the cobwebs. The room looked different yet the same. It took Sirius a few moments to process that he wasn't attached to the wall anymore. His eyes drifted to his cuffed hands in front of him. He gulped as he attempted to sit up.

His muscles screamed in protest, his arms felt like useless lumps. He glanced down at his chaffed and red wrists where he had tugged and pulled with all his strength over the last few days. His hands lay listlessly in his lap as he looked around the room. There was a bowl of some kind of slop close to him and a glass of murky water. His face pinched, but he scooted towards the food. It had been the first sign of food he had seen since he ate at the Potters on Halloween.

His hand trembled as he picked up the spoon. His jaw clenched as the food sloshed off the sides of the metal. The porridge-like substance tasted like cardboard and seemed to clump in his throat. It was one of the vilest things he had ever tasted but he eagerly ate every last drop. Even after the bowl was empty, his stomach continued to churn and rumble. He shook out his hands in an attempt to stop the trembling before he drank the dirty, lukewarm water.

He looked around the room now that he was not chained to the wall. Sucking in a breath, he rolled until he was on all fours and braced himself. He attempted to stand, his legs shaking beneath his weight. Taking a tentative step forward, he found he could walk. His head swarmed in a wave of dizziness but he attempted to blink it back. He would never escape if he didn't push himself.

He only made it a whole five steps before the door to the dungeon burst open. Bella sneered at him as she stepped to the side of the door. Lord Voldemort glided in behind her. An unpleasant smile graced his waxy face, his eyes glinting in what little light filled the dungeon.

"Ah, Sirius, it is good to see you up and around." Voldemort crossed the room as Bella shut the door and leaned against it.

Sirius' jaw tightened as he took a step back. A bead of sweat broke out across his brow and his entire body quaked. He leaned dangerously to the right, his legs feeling like they would collapse under him.

"We needn't continue this, Sirius." Voldemort reached into his black robes and pulled out his slender wand. "You are a Black, after all. I would forgive your misguidance and allow you to join me."

"Do you still plan on killing my three-year-old godson?" Sirius' voice cracked slightly from lack of use.

"I do not revel in killing children, Sirius. They are so perfectly innocent, so easily moldable. Perhaps, we can come to a compromise. You could raise him to follow me. He could be a great solider in my army."

"Fuck you." Sirius stumbled, black dots swarming his vision.

Voldemort's lips curved as he pointed his wand at Sirius' chest. As though pulled by an invisible thread, Sirius found himself being tugged backwards and colliding with the stone wall. He couldn't move as restraints he could not see held him securely in place. Sirius licked his chapped lips as Voldemort closed the space between them. The tip of his wand dug into Sirius' temple. His breath hitched, his eyes screwing shut as he waited for the inevitable to come.

_Harry ran around the back garden, his inky hair blowing in the warm summer air. A wide grin lit up his face as he held two plastic dragons in his hands. He roared loudly with his arms outstretched on either side of him._

_Sirius laughed, his eyes sparkling, as he took a sip of his tea. Lily stood beside him, her shoulder pressing into his bicep. She glanced up at him, a sad smile on her face._

_"He loves it outside." Lily sighed. "I wish we could take him to a park or for a walk or just… anywhere."_

_"This won't last forever, Lils." Sirius wrapped an arm around her shoulders._

_"See-wius! Mummy!" Harry waved his dragons frantically in their direction._

_Lily heaved a heavy sigh as she waved back to the toddler._

_"Maybe James is right. What sort of life is this for our son?" She sniffed and rested her head against Sirius._

_"Don't go spiraling down the same path as James. No good comes of dwelling over it. What other choice is there? Let your son be murdered?" Sirius watched as Harry hopped onto a small dirt mound that an animal must have dug. "We just have to figure out what his weakness is."_

_"Dumbledore's made it very clear that he thinks Voldemort has done something to make himself immortal. Do you think he's accomplished that?"_

_"I haven't the faintest idea." Sirius swallowed. "Let's hope to Merlin not."_

The scene melted and shifted.

_Sirius sat crossed-legged on the floor of Harry's bedroom. The toy box at the foot of the bed was open, and Harry stood on his tiptoes to lean in to dig through the contents. Sirius' nail scratched at the carpet, a glob of green paint stuck to the threads. He glanced up at his godson he stood up with a two stuffed Quaffles in either hand._

_"Don't you dare!" Sirius pointed a finger at him._

_Harry grinned before he drew back his right arm and pitched the Quaffle at his godfather. Sirius jumped up but was too slow. The Quaffle hit him square on the knee. Making a big show, Sirius hobbled out of the way of the second Quaffle._

_"You'd make a fair Chaser, Harry."_

_"Daddy C'aser!" Harry darted forward to gather up the plush balls._

_Sirius was quicker and gathered up both Quaffles. Harry grinned. He jumped and landed with his legs spread wide. He bent his knees and held his arms in front of him as though he would attempt to catch the Quaffles. Sirius chuckled as he pulled back his left hand. He tossed the Quaffle right at Harry's head. The plush bounced off his forehead and caused the toddler to let out a fit of giggles._

_Tossing the second Quaffle up in the air a few times, Sirius gave his godson a chance to calm down before he pitched the second one. He drew his left hand back in an underhand pitch this time. He lobbed it in the air and Harry caught it easily._

Everything dissolved.

_Sirius tugged the thin elastic that dug into the flesh under his chin. Lily carried a huge dragon shaped cake with a big three candle stuck in the dragon's belly. Around it, three slender red candles were spaced around the three._

_Lily and James started singing the Happy Birthday song. Harry's eyes lit up as he stood up in his chair. Sirius joined in on the second verse and wrapped an arm around the boy's slender shoulders. Harry's palms were flat against the kitchen table as he leaned forward. Lily slid the cake in front of him and his face lit up even more._

_The song finished and Harry inhaled a huge breath. He held if for several seconds before blowing the air out. The candles extinguished. The three adults clapped. Harry's face turned up, his brilliant green eyes meeting his godfather's gray ones. Leaning down, Sirius planted a kiss on the boy's forehead. James waved his wand and the lights burst to life as Lily pulled the cake towards her. She sliced off the dragon's head and placed it onto a plate before sliding it towards Harry._

_"ROAR!" Harry flopped down on his bottom and shoved his fork right into the dragon's ear._

_Sirius chuckled as he sank down into the seat next to his godson and across from his best mate. James accepted the dragon's foot with a wink before he too tucked into his cake._

_"What is it with your sudden obsession of dragons?" Sirius accepted the piece of cake as he glanced at his godson._

_"Dunno." Harry shrugged before shoving large piece of cake in his mouth, the icing smearing all over his lips and chin._

_"You're disgusting." Sirius let out a bark-like laugh as he grabbed a napkin and reached out to wipe the kid's face. "Smaller bites, yeah?"_

_Harry jerked his head away from the napkin and did not allow his godfather to wipe his face. With another gigantic roar, Harry stood on his chair and flung himself at Sirius. He smeared the icing across his godfather's cheek as he gave him a sloppy kiss. James laughed loudly at the antics._

_"Harry!" Lily scolded through her own laughter._

_Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around the toddler, not allowing him to move more than a squirm. He inched his fingers up to the boy's armpits and tickled him mercilessly. Harry's shrieks filled the kitchen. Icing from Harry's face smeared across Sirius' neck and onto the collar of his shirt, but he did not let up._

_"Tell me you love me!" Sirius tightened his hold on his godson. "Say Sirius is the best!"_

_"I-I-I love you!" Harry choked on his laughter and Sirius let up a little. "See-wius the bessssss!"_

Sirius let out a choking, dry sob. _Harry_ – Sirius missed the tiny boy more than words could describe. The room swirled into focus. The invisible manacles holding him up disappeared from his limbs. He fell into a heap on the floor. The all too familiar sensation of bile rose in his throat and he regretted ever eating the slop that they gave him. He screwed his eyes shut and focused on his breathing as he rocked on the floor. He repeated his mantra in his head:

_The secret cannot be taken by force._

_The secret must be willingly given._

"Is that what you were told, Sirius? That the secret cannot be taken by force? That it must be willingly given?" Voldemort crouched down in front of him. "Is that what Dumbledore told you? Pity. He gave you a false sense of security."

Sirius attempted to swallow the lump in his throat but found it only made him choke. He coughed violently, his hands curled into tight balls and pressed into the stone floor. The harshness of the floor split open his knuckles as he continued to dig them further down.

"I am a very skilled Legilimens." Voldemort moved his face so close to Sirius' that he could feel his puffs of breath against his face. "You don't think I can't pluck that memory from your mind, gain the secret that way?"

"That's not what you're doing." Sirius opened his eyes and stared straight at Voldemort. "You're focusing on Harry. All the memories, they're all about Harry. You're not focusing on James. You're not focusing on that time period."

Voldemort stared at him, his face completely blank of any emotion or expression. His cold eyes bore into him and Sirius could feel the well-acquainted prickling into his thoughts. The corners of Sirius' lips twitched under the intense scrutiny.

A few beats passed before Voldemort raised his hairless eyebrows and a sneer worked its way across his white face. There was something disconcerting about Voldemort when he smirked. It looked so unnatural that it made Sirius' insides flop.

"You'll understand soon enough." Voldemort rose. "Bella, I've asked you to hold back recently when it comes to your cousin. I daresay, there is no longer a need to hold back."

Sirius felt his stomach drop as Voldemort turned to leave and Bella stepped forward. He pressed his back against the wall. His entire body tensed as Bella's heels clicked on the stone floor. The tip of her wand pointed directly at Sirius' chest. He held his breath as a spark of red light hurled towards him.

* * *

The walk from Professor McGonagall's office to the meeting room near Dumbledore's office quickly became a familiar one. Harry walked between his parents, holding each of their hands. Every ten or so steps, Lily and James lifted Harry off the ground and swung him through the air. He giggled in glee every time his feet left the ground.

They entered the meeting room to see people were already in attendance. James bent down, kissed Harry on top of his unruly head, and darted over to where Remus was talking with Mad-Eye and Kingsley. Lily looked around the room and spotted the family of redheads sitting in front corner of the room. The two children around Harry's age were in attendance again. The past couple of Order meetings, Harry had watched the kids in fascination.

Lily and James had been hesitated to introduce Harry to the family. They did not want any information about Harry to be learned by anybody they did not trust. Even the smallest bits of information could be used against them.

She glanced down at her son who was staring at the two small children in interest once more. Her heart clenched painfully at the thought that her son had never seen, let alone played with another child. Lily had talked to Molly Weasley briefly the last Order meeting. Molly had been kind and suggested getting their children together to play. Lily didn't have the heart to tell her they were currently in hiding and couldn't leave the confines of their house or Hogwarts. She couldn't very well tell the seemingly kind woman that she didn't trust her as far as she could throw her when it came to Harry.

Biting down her anxiety, Lily squeezed Harry's hand before leading him towards the Weasley family. Molly saw them making their way towards her and she smiled warmly. She looked relieved to see a familiar face, to see someone else with a child at the meeting. She bent down to talk to the two toddlers who looked up immediately.

"Lily! It's so good to see you again." Molly grabbed the little girl's hand.

"Molly, this is my son Harry. He's three. Harry, this is Mrs. Weasley and her two children." Lily crouched down next to Harry.

Harry leaned into Lily's side, his head resting against her shoulder. He remained quiet. Lily wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder and rubbed his arm. She hated seeing the uncertainty shine in his eyes, his inherent mistrust of anyone new.

"Hello there, Harry, dear." Molly crouched down as well. "This is Ron. He's three just like you. This is Ginny. She's two."

"Hi!" Ron stepped forward with a lopsided grin on his face, his hand raising in a shy wave.

"HI!" Ginny pushed herself forward in front of her brother.

Harry's eyes grew wide as he frantically looked towards Lily. She offered him a sad smile, her fingers giving his shoulder a slight squeeze. She urged him to say hello. He frowned before he looked back at Ron and Ginny.

"Hi." Harry looked down at their shoes.

"Wanna play? We gots bocks." Ron's ears flushed red as he gestured to the chipped and faded set of blocks behind him.

Again, Harry looked up at his mum. Lily nodded and pushed him gently forward. Harry took a seat next to Ginny and picked up one of the rectangular blocks. He looked across from him to see Ron stacking various shape-sized blocks into a tall tower while Ginny sorted through the colors to find all of the red blocks. Harry fingered the faded green block as he looked between the two through his inky fringe.

"So, what brought you to the Order?" Molly leaned in to whisper as she gestured to two chairs behind the children. "My husband, Arthur, knew some members through work who recruited us. I have to admit, I wasn't really on board at first. We have seven children and it just seemed… reckless with so many young ones. I don't want to put an unnecessary target on our back. If it was just Arthur and me… we would have joined years ago. My brothers were members. I just, I couldn't justify the risk with our kids."

"I joined the Order right after Hogwarts. James and I have been… away for a few years. Voldemort has been very aggressively after our family lately." Lily forced as smile as Molly cringed. "Perhaps, associating with us, might put an even bigger target on your back."

"Dear Merlin! What made you come back?" Molly's brow furrowed. "Why does _he_ … want you?"

Lily watched as Harry and Ginny stacked the blocks into a big tower together. The tiny girl sat so close to Harry that they thighs were pressed against each other. She pointed where she wanted him to put the blocks. Lily had the distinct impression they were working together to try to beat Ron's tower in height.

"Our friend, Sirius Black, was captured by Death Eaters." Lily snapped her attention back to Molly. "He's like family to us."

"I met him at our first Order meeting." Molly twisted her hands in her lap. "I… I admit I wasn't the nicest to him. With a name like Black, I assumed the worst."

"Sirius is _nothing_ like his family." Lily's jaw tightened. "He is the kindest, sweetest man you could ever meet."

Harry looked back at his mother. Tears shone in his eyes as he looked between the two women. Lily felt her heart clench. He sniffed as he brought his sleeve up to wipe his nose. Ginny turned her attention to Harry. Her mischievous grin dropped from her freckly face. She wrapped her arms around Harry's neck. Lily could hear Ginny babbling nonsense into Harry's ear. The boy nodded briefly before he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Oh, Merlin, how adorable." Molly gestured to the two.

Before Lily could comment, James slid into the chair next to her. He leaned over her, his hand extended, and introduced himself to Molly Weasley. He glanced down at the children, watching as Harry and Ginny pulled away from one another. Ginny continued to babble her nonsense words, but Harry seemed as though he was able to form the string of random syllables into words. A watery smile crossed his face he nodded his head.

"You said your brothers were in the Order?" Lily reached out a hand and rested it on James' thigh and he slung an arm around the back of her chair.

"Yes, Gideon and Fabian Prewett. Did you, did you know them?"

"Gid and Fab were your brothers?" James jerked his head up to look at Molly.

Lily glanced over at James to see a pinched look on his face. James and Sirius had been especially close to the pair of redheaded twins. They were always joking together, volunteering to go on missions as a quartet. Lily squinted as she tried to remember when they had died. She thought she was still pregnant with Harry. James had been upset not to attend the funeral, but Sirius had gone.

"You knew them?"

"Yeah, yeah, they were… upstanding gents." James nodded, his lips thinning into a line.

"They were." Molly frowned, her hand clenching her chest. "It's… they're the reason I'm here. I am so scared to be involved with the children. Merlin forbid if anything happened to any of them… but so much worse could happen if You-Know-Who continues to gain power. I can't even…"

Lily's gaze rose when a thin, redheaded man slid into the chair next to Molly. He wrapped his arm around the back of her chair and his other hand rested on her knee. Leaning forward, he pecked Molly on the cheek before he turned towards the Potters.

"Hello, I'm Arthur Weasley. I've seen you met my wife and my two youngest children already."

"Actually, I wasn't here to meet the kids. I'm James Potter. This is my wife, Lily. That's my son, Harry." James leaned across Lily to shake Arthur's hand.

"Oh, sorry, that's Ron and Ginny. They all look to be about the same age range." Arthur smiled as he took James' hand. "So, James Potter? You're quite the topic of conversation around here."

"Hopefully, all good things." James grinned tightly as he leaned back in his chair.

"Well, a lot of people seem happy to see you again." Arthur chuckled. "I've only heard that You-Know-Know had been targeting you personally for a while. The plight of us blood traitors is never resolved."

James laughed. Molly pursed her lips, obviously not as enthralled with the joke as the men were. Lily shifted in her chair, her chin jutting up. She still, even after all this time, never quite understood the blood status of wizards. Some lived and breathed by it, clenching onto it like it was the most precious thing in the world like the Black family did. Others, like the Potters and Weasleys, seemed to make light of it and inserted themselves to be the butt of the joke.

She hadn't been lying to Severus when she told him that was the reason that she had chosen James. Despite all of his faults, James never saw blood. A Muggleborn was just as good as a pureblood. A werewolf was just a good of a wizard as anyone. Lily could remember being pregnant with Harry and shopping in Diagon Alley with James shortly before they went into hiding. They had a run-in with Lucius and an equally pregnant Narcissa Malfoy.

_"Just when I thought the Potter family could stoop no lower,"_ Lucius had said with a sneer on his face. _"You've actually married… one."_

James had only grinned, his hands in his trousers as he rocked on his heels. _"I don't give two flying fucks about blood, Malfoy. I married for love and not for status. You think that marrying a Black is going to raise the Malfoy social standing? You think you'll combine some pretty hefty fortunes together and be at the tippy top of your little Sacred Twenty-Eight?"_

"Forgive Arthur." Molly leaned toward Lily and whispered in her ear. "He's been hanging out with my sons far too much. He didn't mean any offense."

"I'm a Muggleborn." Lily shrugged. "The whole blood purist stuff makes zero sense to me. James prides himself in being some sort of rebel blood traitor. I'm sure he genuinely thought it was funny."

A look of relief flooded Molly's features. As Lily offered a reassuring smile, Albus Dumbledore began to speak in the front of the room. Lily took her wand out of her jacket and cast _Muffliato_ around the children so they could play freely without the Order hearing them. James shot her a sideways glance, his lips thinning, but said nothing. Lily wasn't going to feel bad about using the charm that Severus invented while they were at school. James could get over it.

Dumbledore welcomed two new Order of the Phoenix members: Ted and Andromeda Tonks. James looked mildly surprised at the announcement and Lily narrowed her eyes trying to remember why those names sounded so familiar. She leaned forward and she caught sight of Andromeda Tonks. She was tall and willowy. She sat with her back perfectly straight with her legs crossed at the ankles like she had been taught proper etiquette from a very young age. Her long, chestnut hair was shiny and well-kept with not one hair out of place. Despite her lips thinned and chin jutting up haughtily, her eyes were wide and kind.

Lily leaned close to James' ear and asked who they were. He had obviously recognized them. James turned towards her, his jaw clenched tightly.

"Andy is Sirius' cousin," he whispered. "She's refused to join the Order for years, not wanting to get involved since both of her sisters are Death Eaters. She probably only joined because of Sirius."

Lily nodded. The name Andy swished around in her head like a familiar song. Sirius had always called her Andy and he had spoken very highly of her. _The only Black I actually like_ , he had said on multiple occasions. Lily looked back in Andromeda's direction. She could see it now – the Black resemblance. The milky white skin, the bright gray eyes and dark hair, and the purely regal way they held themselves. Even though Sirius would deny it, he held himself in the same majestic manner without even noticing. The perfect posture, the hands folded neatly in the lap, and the chin raised just slightly.

* * *

James stretched his neck, a loud crack filling the room. The Order meeting had dragged on for the past two hours. Various reports were given but James cared about none of them except for one. Mad-Eye's report about Sirius remained lackluster and noninformative. James glanced down at his son who had been playing nicely with the Weasley children for the entire length of the meeting.

Ron grew bored of the blocks after a while and had lounged on the floor with a picture book about the Chudley Canons. Harry continued to build towers and castles with Ginny for the majority of the time. When Mad-Eye was giving his report, Harry's head turned to listen intently when the name Black slipped off the Auror's tongue. Ginny would touch his arm and draw him back to the task at hand.

When the meeting concluded, James shot out of his chair. He nodded his goodbyes towards the Weasleys before crossed the room to talk to Andy before she could disappear. He knew she wouldn't stick around and mingle. Andy wasn't one for small talk and he knew there was only one reason she was even there to begin with.

"Andy!" James hollered and waved in her direction before turning his attention to Remus. "Remus! Stay! Give me a minute, yeah?"

Remus and James locked eyes. They nodded at one another in understanding before James weaved through the throng of people. Ted had his fingers wrapped around Andy's bicep as though stopping her from storming out of the room. James shot Ted a grateful smile as he stilled in front of them.

"Andy." James ran a hand through his unruly locks.

The words died on his tongue. He didn't know what he wanted to say to Andy. That he was sorry that the only good member of her family was being tortured and could potentially wind up dead because of him? Just looking at Andy was painful. She shared Sirius' gray eyes that were looking accusingly at him. James gulped.

"I'll find him." He decided on saying, his hands shoving into the pockets of his trousers. "He's my best mate. He's been my brother since we were eleven years old. He's my family too."

"Sirius always spoke very highly of your parents and you." Andy let out a puff of air. "He told me why he was moving around all the time. That he was your family's Secret Keeper, that the Dark Lord wanted you for some reason. I don't blame you, if that's why you're here. I know, if the roles were reversed, and Sirius needed a Secret Keeper, you would have done it in a heartbeat."

"It's Harry," James whispered, his throat closing at admitting out loud that Voldemort wanted his beautiful son dead. "Voldemort wants Harry. Sirius is protecting his godson."

James bowed his head, his gaze fixated on her shiny black heels. She should know the truth that Sirius wasn't protecting his best mate. No, Sirius was much more noble than that. He was protecting his godson, the boy whom he would love and raise as his own if anything ever happened to James and Lily.

"Harry?" Andy breathed. "He's… what? Three?"

James looked up at her to see her icy, cold exterior had crumpled just slightly enough that she didn't look like a Black for a few moments. He nodded numbly before looking back at his son. Ginny had her arms wrapped tightly around Harry's neck. Ron stood near them, his eyes rolling dramatically before he lolled his head back to look at the ceiling. There was a genuine look of wonder and amazement splattered across Harry's features. James' heart clenched because making a new friend should not be so wonderous. It should be normal. Nothing about Harry's life was normal, though.

"James?"

He snapped his attention back to Andy. Her wide eyes stared at him, searching his face for some sort of answer he didn't know how to give. James shrugged.

"I can't explain it." James licked his lips. "I just… thought you should know. Sirius isn't protecting me. He's protecting Harry. He loves Harry so much. I wish you could see them together."

"I know," Andy whispered. "I don't see Sirius often. In fact, we mostly just write to each other. Anytime I talk with him, he _always_ brings up Harry. He is enamored by that child. You know that he would do everything he could before he gave up that little boy's location, don't you?"

"I know. Dumbledore has suggested on multiple occasions that we switch safe houses, that we undergo another Fidelius Charm with him as Secret Keeper." James crossed his arms over his chest. "I won't do it. I won't make Sirius' sacrifice be in vain."

"James, it would not make his sacrifice be in vain. What happens when he breaks? He wouldn't want you to die. Move safe houses. It's smart."

"He won't break. He loves Harry more than anything in this entire world."

"It's not a matter of if but when, James. _When_ he breaks and if that little boy dies, his sacrifice will be in vain." Andy frowned, her brows dragging down. "He's buying you time to get out."

"You don't give Sirius enough credit. He will not break," James seethed.

"Everyone breaks, James! Who do you think is torturing him right now?" Andy spoke dangerously low through clenched teeth. "You think Bella doesn't know how to push him to his breaking point? You think Bella doesn't understand exactly how to poke and prod him into spilling everything? You're a fool if you don't understand that."

James let out an incredulous laugh. He nodded his head as he tried to keep the jeer off his face. He told Andy it was nice seeing her again before he took a step back. Everyone had basically left the meeting. Remus stood close to Lily as they talked. Harry bounced on his heels next to his mother. Dumbledore, Mad-Eye, and Professor McGonagall spoke in low voices in the front of the room. Andy called out for James but he ignored it. He lifted a hand as though to wave goodbye but did not turn around.

James stilled between Remus and Lily. He reached out a hand and clapped it on Remus' back. Harry, upon noticing his father, lifted his arms in James' direction and asked to be picked up. Crouching down, James gathered the small child into his arms before standing up. He planted a kiss on the child's cheek before cradling him close to his chest.

"Lily and I were talking," James addressed Remus. "We want you to know our location, so you can keep us informed on Sirius."

"Are you sure?" Remus' brows raised up. "You've been very adamant for the past two years that nobody visit you at Godric's Hollow anymore. I'm assuming, that is, if you're still there?"

James reached into his pocket and pulled out the spare bit of parchment that Sirius had written their location on. He glanced down at Sirius' lettering that read _The Potters can be found at The Hollow_. He blinked at the parchment before he handed it over to Remus.

"Sirius was adamant that nobody knew where we were, not even Dumbledore." James cleared his throat as he wrapped his arm around Harry once again. "Sirius isn't here now and… we need people to know where we are."

Remus nodded, his eyes taking in the information. Once he was done reading, he held it out to Lily who pocketed it.

"If you find out where Sirius is being held, I am going with you." James spoke softly yet with a fierce determination lacing each syllable. "I'm trusting you to keep me in the loop, Remus."

"While I think that idea is extremely foolish, I will keep you in the loop. We go together and save him, yeah?" Remus sighed.

"He was scared, Remus." James licked his lips. "He saw spies everywhere. It's not because of the werewolf thing. We've never cared about that. He was just… he was afraid for Harry."

"We're all scared for Harry, James." Remus stuffed his hands into his ratty coat. "I just want the opportunity for us to make amends. The four of us… we used to be so close. I'd like to be that close again."

"We bring Peter in then. The three of us will save Sirius, and we'll put all this silliness behind us."

"No." Remus shook his head. "Dumbledore was very adamant that Peter not be involved or given any information. It was strictly to be kept between Alastor, Kingsley, you two, and me. Nobody else is supposed to be brought in or told anything."

"It's Pete," James replied flatly.

"I understand, James, but Dumbledore was very firm. We don't know who the spy is. We have to be careful. It could compromise Sirius' life."

"So, you think Pete's the spy now? Sirius was captured, so it can't possibly be him. It has to be Peter, yeah?" James felt his anger spike. "Don't you and Sirius get it? It's _none_ of us. None of us are the spy. Both of you were too busy looking for some phantom spy amongst us that you ripped our group apart!"

"James." Lily reached out and touched his shoulder.

"I'll keep you updated, James. I promise." Remus' jaw clenched. "It's good to see you all again. It's been far too long. I, uh, I got some Order stuff I need to have a word with Dumbledore about. I'll see you soon."

With a nod and a tight smile, Remus departed. James stared at where he had been. It just felt all wrong. He rested his cheek against Harry's messy locks before glancing over at Lily. There was a soft thumping to their right. Mad-Eye appeared in front of them with a deflated football in his hand. He held it out to them and told them their Portkey home would depart in five minutes.

* * *

Peter leaned against the stone wall and listened to his old friend's screams bounce off the walls. He sucked in a breath, a bead of sweat breaking across his forehead. He frantically wiped his sleeve across his head. He felt his sweat soak through his robes, the fabric clinging to his skin.

He never wanted this. He wanted none of this. James and Sirius had been so steadfast in joining Dumbledore in the war. The Dumbledores and Potters had been close for centuries. There wasn't a question of if they would join the Order of the Phoenix but when. Peter gulped, remembering Fleamont Potter sitting all four of them down the summer after they left Hogwarts and explaining the _problems_ that were arising in their world. He could remember Dumbledore arriving at the house, telling them all about the Order. Fleamont had been one of the first members since the day it was formed.

James and Sirius jumped at the opportunity to join. It meant they could further put off careers, put off finding paying work. They claimed their full-time job _was_ the Order of the Phoenix. They even had silly, little t-shirts made.

Peter sniffed as Sirius' screams cracked and his voice became hoarse. Wincing, Peter wanted to leave. He didn't want to hear the awful sounds emitting from Sirius. He hit the back of his head in a steady rhythm off the wall behind him.

James just _had_ to defy the Dark Lord. He just _had_ to fight him three times, deny him his allegiance three times, laughed in his face three times. The moment the single syllable _no_ slipped off his friend's tongue, an arrogant smirk spreading across his thin face, he had sealed his fate. James had been far more brazen, far cockier in his defiance than Frank Longbottom had been. Peter knew that's why the Dark Lord had zeroed in on the Potters. It wasn't just Harry's blood the Dark Lord craved. He desired James' life just as much.

Sirius' cries ceased. There was spluttering and the sound of vomiting. Bellatrix's cackles made Peter cringe. Her heels clicked against the stone floors. The door to the dungeon wrenched open.

"See you soon, cousin dear." Bellatrix's voice dripped of in fabricated sweetness.

The door swung shut. Bellatrix's wand did a complicated series of motions to seal it. She whipped around to see Peter flush against the wall and she smirked at him. Her tongue peeked out and licked her top lip slowly. She dragged her wand down her body, pulling the collar of her dress down to show off her ample cleavage. Peter adverted his eyes and looked up at the ceiling.

"Don't you like it, Pettigrew? You swing a different way?" Her voice mocked him and he could hear the smile on her lips.

"N-no interest, Bella." Peter forced himself to look at her, his eyes wide and unblinking.

Bellatrix laughed cruelly. "You chose this. Don't go soft on me now. You handed over your best friend on a silver platter. You stand out here, listening to him groan and shriek. Let me guess, you just wish he would break already so you didn't have to listen to it anymore."

Peter shook his head. He wasn't sure how he had wound up turning spy, betraying his friends, and finding himself the punching bag of the inner circle. It happened one Sunday, a few months before Harry was born. He had been captured, tortured, and broke within hours. He spilled his first secret and caused the deaths of Gideon and Fabian Prewett. He thought that would be the end. He could pretend it never happened, go back to normal. Except, James _fucking_ Potter had to put a target on his head. In doing so, he had put a target on all of his friends' heads.

It started out slow. Death Eaters turning up outside his flat late at night, Death Eaters within the Ministry leading him out after work, and Death Eaters accosting him out on the streets. Each time, they tortured him for more information. He gave up Benjy, Dorcas, and Marlene. It was giving up the McKinnons that changed things.

The night he let Marlene and her family's hideout slip from his tongue, he received the Dark Mark. There was no going back after that. There was no claiming to Dumbledore and the Order that they had tortured the information out of him. That's when the pain stopped and he found himself just the willing spy instead of the unwilling subject. Honestly, it had been all James' fault. James couldn't stay out of the fight, couldn't sit back and live a quiet life with his family. _No_ , James had to throw himself into the thick of it and openly mock the Dark Lord.

Sirius continued to wheeze and dry heave. Peter just wanted to leave and not listen to it anymore. He never wanted this for Sirius, never wanted him to die protecting James Potter's secret. Sirius was a lot of things and the most obvious one was that he trailed behind James like a lost little puppy. Foolishly, Sirius would die for James in some misguided sense of loyalty and family. That's what James did, wasn't it? He pledged his friends to be his family, to be a united front, to control and manipulate them.

He had never seen it in school. James had been the ring leader of their little group. They lived and breathed by James' word and did what he asked of them. It had been James' idea to become Animagi, his idea to provoke the Slytherins, his idea to pester Severus Snape because of his relationship with Lily, his idea to join the Order, his idea for them all to drop their lives and protect his family. James asked a lot of them, demanded a lot. Peter would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid to find himself on James Potter's bad side. He had a tendency to make his enemies lives miserable and he had a band of admirers willing to help him in his endeavors.

There was one person stronger than James Potter, more menacing. Peter rubbed his left forearm unconsciously, his jaw clenching as he gazed over at Bellatrix. He didn't particularly care for the Dark Lord's ideology. Muggles and Muggleborns certainly didn't cause him any grief. He was indifferent to things such as blood status and purity. He wouldn't find himself on the losing side, though. He would not be executed along with the rest of the Order of the Phoenix when the Dark Lord won. He would win. He was far more powerful and superior than Dumbledore or anyone else.

Peter let out a puff of air and wiped his sweaty forehead once more. He _definitely_ blamed James for getting them all mixed up in the war. If it wasn't for the Potters, he could have stayed ignorant to everything going on around them. He could have been sitting in his flat enjoying a nice butterbeer after work instead of listening to Sirius Black being tortured.

Bellatrix walked away from the cell. She snapped her fingers and Peter trailed dutifully after her.


End file.
